[verse] Do Not Snuff Lightly Out That Gothic Spark, Get yer RAEG on

A somewhat rare piece for Tohya from me, with apologies to Dylan Thomas.

I swapped the structure of stanzas two and three, bush league in formal poetry, but forgive me.

Do Not Snuff Lightly Out that Gothic Spark

Do not snuff lightly out that gothic spark -
Undead are killed by only gold and flame.
Rage, rage against the dying of the dark.

L33t men, who fear only static death-sparks
And shrink not from the challenge of death-games
Do not snuff lightly out that gothic spark.

Though Sony in their code left no mark
For dolls to give a kindly word, still they
Rage, rage against the dying of the dark.

Magic girls, with hands so quick the ninja hark,
And know the fate of one who's much the same
Do not snuff lightly out that gothic spark.

Fanboys, online, who deal out quips that smart,
Whose text could blaze like Athlons when they flame,
Rage, rage against the dying of the dark.

So you, my author, muse with a gold harp,
Write, draw, but look here at this verse, though lame.
Do not snuff lightly out that gothic spark.
Rage, rage against the dying of the dark.

This post has been edited by Wavebird_Ocelot on Mar 28 2009, 01:39 PM

A worthy sentiment, Ocelot; elegantly structured. Well done!

I forgive you. Really, quite well done. Lovely. Yes, lovely is the word I'm looking for. And, based on one of my favourate poems, too.


Okay, now I'm done being serious... *Glomps Ocelot* Where have you been? I've missed you!!

~Zippo (beware hugs of doooom.)

Beautiful, simply beautiful. Love the sentiment behind the work.

I'm with Zippo here. This is really quite well done, and lovely.
I see you also chanved your avatar to match too, and yes, I forgive you. Now come back more.

Seriousness aside, Where have you been, Dammit! I missed you!!! *glomps Ocelot*

~shadowrider (beware the huggles of doom)

What's the word I'm looking for…

'Awesome'. Yeah, that would be it.

Thank you for the kind words so far. ^_^

Of course, criticism is always welcome, too, for anyone who may be holding back.

It's too bad poetry does not have quite this same effect on women outside the Internet.

As for where I've been, I've taken my gallivanting offline into academia, quixotically trying to prove that not everything in literature is phallic or oedipal, whilst using my verse to serenade campus's international (female) studentry, and penning Orwellian political tracts in my side-career as a professional revolutionary - should I ever disappear, know that is why, but know also that though I loved Liberty, yet I always loved thee more, Girls from the North Country...


...that's the (mostly) true story of why I haven't been around as much.

This post has been edited by Wavebird_Ocelot on Mar 29 2009, 03:29 PM

*Glomps Ocie even harder* Its either glomp harder or swoon at your feet.

I'm not holding back because I think your a wilting flower, or anything. I just seriously doubt MY ability to give any useful criticism, being that I know very little about poetry. I'll give it a shot though, if you like. Beware the following contributions are possibly quite useless!

This line, to me, is unwieldy and comes off as very forced. I can't tell you why, though. Also, what is an Athlon?

I've noticed you do this often with your poetry and filks. Your verse is NOT lame. It never has been lame. It may not be perfect, but it is well thought out and thoroughly enjoyable. Now, I understand artist angst, and that your humour is often self-deprecating. But, putting something in here like this pulls me right out of the mood you have been creating. It ruins the flow. AND its not true.

~Zippo (hoping to be helping)

Athlon: Specific CPU developed by AMD for use in computers. In this case, refers most likely to [015].

This post has been edited by Ryo0955 on Mar 29 2009, 05:43 PM

You're certainly helpful. My habit of self-deprecation isn't something I've given much thought to, but now that you mention it I think it is, perhaps, out of place here. If that's so then it's a fault, and I appreciate hearing about it.

BTW, I think that self-criticism is common among writers generally, enough so for cola to mention it in one of his filks.

Yep, that's it. Probably should have linked to that comic in the poem. Maybe I've been reading Ezra Pound too much lately - even my fanworks are getting obscure. ;)

Dude, I hope you don't mind if I don't glomp you. It would be....awkward.

However, that was well done poetry. My only issues would be how it tracks, the beat and rhythm of the poem is off a little. The concept, however, does well.

Dear God I'm agreeing with Rapier...somebody shoot me....

...to a point, anyway. The opening lines of the third and fourth stanzas are off-kilter at 9 beats and 11 beats, respectively, but aside from that, this works very well.

As for the line Zippo thought was off because of the wording, I'd have to agree. It's rather awkward. Perhaps something more like this?:

Fanboys, online, who post with quips that smart

or

Fanboys, online, whose poisoned words do smart

Nekura, in what furnace was thy brain?

Ah! That Gothic spark
ignites in me a hot flame!
How it does burn me!

I do what I must:
Freeze over that burning hell
which was once my heart.

"Burn the witch to ash and bone:
leave behind her heart of stone."

A Shelley nightmare
the subjugation of Goth
from blood, dark phoenix

*FWOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH*
(Quickly hides a fire extinguisher that now needs recharged behind his back.)
"I DIDN'T DO IT! WOO-HA-HA-HEY-HEY!"

You would be more credible if your ass weren't burning as brightly as Sareth's...

Nekura, I think I'm a clone now...

Teddy, I know you tried, but she's already gone, in my heart. Sorry pal, you couldn't save her.

It was the only way to save myself from the fire and the pain. I know you know what I mean.

[Edit to add:]
Into the ashes
a single drop of blood falls.
Will she live again? ? ?

This post has been edited by mistersaxon on Mar 31 2009, 02:03 AM

Carnelian glow
Gaia throws off winter's shroud
Rebirth catches fire

The phoenix rises
from the ash of the bone-fire
clothed in blood and flames.

In dawn's light she stands
naked yet wrapped in power:
wakened by love's gift.


On a related note - Largo on motorbiking:

Temperature - normal;
Fuel - adequate; Road - dry, clear;
Speed - excessive! Woot!

Piro on motorbiking

"Am I hurting her?
She howls as though she's in pain!
Fuck it! Need more speed!"

(because biking is no time for second thoughts and Piro is a practical guy)

These came to me today, whilst out on the 'bike. 100 miles of country roads, average speed >65mph. Naughty, naughty fun and chargeable as well. It gets no better than that.