[verse] Yuki, A poem about Yuki.

Hello. Some of you may remember a certain progect from long ago where I decided to write poems about all the main characters. My two previous modest successes can be found in my sig. Anyways, I've been gone for awhile, but upon catching up on the comic, I found that the urge was back. This is my second attempt at Yuki, my first being filled with The Suck. But, I ramble... here is the second try!!! (Drum roll)

All I seek is a shading technique,
For my world of black and white.
I grow and choose, love and loose
My certainty of sight.

Decisions to make, which path to take?
Down which path lies the right shade
To fill in the lines of this picture of mine
With all the right choices made?

An innocent flower, blooming in power.
Now I fight to clear another love's way
Magic and love, fate girls dream of,
But now I'm a woman of grey.

Sugar and spice, and all that's nice
Was the picture I seemed to be.
Now paper can't hold with edge or fold
All the beautiful grey of me.

And, that's it. I like it better than my first try at her, but then, I've been more impressed with her character lately. She's growing up, sniff.

Crits and comments are welcome.

~Zippo (who'd like to get to know some people)

Very good! It fits yuki well.
Now I gotta see you take on Largo...

If Largo was in a poem, it would probably have to be a limerick.

Do we know if he's from Nantucket?

*WHISTLE-WHISTLE*

WOOOOHOOOO! Hot Canadian in the forum!

*clap**clap* Very good! I like it much.

Finally!

Anyway, the technical stuff is well-executed, and I like that you continue to use the same form for all your character poems. It gives a nice sense of continuity between them. Like your other works, there's some strong imagery here, too. I like how the "shading" motif is carried troughout the poem. Also, Yuki referring to herself as a "woman" instead of just a "girl" amused me.

On a bit of a side point: when I first read this, I thought the first couple stanzas didn't relate enough to Yuki, but could just as easily be about Kotone with all the talk about color and sight. Now that I think about it, though, this may just be an inherent difficulty of fanworks in general. Since Yuki's a (wannabe) artist, the grey vs. color motif should work fine with her, but since Fred's set up Kotone/Kimiko as our girl of greys, she's who I immediately think of when a fanwork mentions color.

Oh, and I'm guessing you meant "lose," not "loose," in line 3, though I guess "loose" might also kinda sorta work.

They can also be found on this page of the CWDB. [/obligatory]

Man, it's been a long time since I've given anybody the "Death by a Thousand Pies," but I'm really tempted to bring it back now.

Oh come on! We just got inundated with Boston cream over in the Tangent vs Teddy thread!

Thank-you everyone for reading and posting responses. I appreciate you!

Magical Catgirl Zippo says:



Eyes Front soldier, before I set you on fire. You're supposed to be looking at my beautiful poetry, not my beautiful self, yo. Good to see you, you cuddly ole teddy-bear!

@Ocelot: I said to myself as I typed it out to make sure I spelled lose instead of loose, yet it got by me. Sigh.

And... I'm not sure, but are you defending my honour to Teddy Werebear? Hmmm.

~Zippo (who thinks there may be a BBQ soon to remind people who I am...)

"Woman" fits the meter while "girl" doesn't. It also fits the rest of the stanza, in that "girls" dream but "women" live in the real world. As for the "gray" reference, the whole point is that Yuki used to know what she wanted and where her life was going but now fate has thrown her a curve and the old "black and white" certainties no longer apply. I think you're right about the "lose" vs. "loose" in the third line. "Loose" the verb means to let go of something so it could work:

She lets go of (abandons) her certainties. However, it messes up the rhyme scheme so I'm guessing it's a simple misspelling.

This post has been edited by 'zilla on Jul 25 2008, 03:05 AM

(Snaps too with a crisp salute and a toothy grin)

I am a Southern gentleman, so yes. Of course, I tried not to be too violent about it in your very first thread back, but then you threatened to set someone on fire, so maybe I could've gotten away with pie-tossing after all.

Also, Magical Catgirl Zippo? When did this happen? Not that I'm complaining, of course.

Doesn't matter. The effect is there. Besides, I'm sure there's a way to work in "girl" if necessary. I agree with the rest of your post, though.

Also, why is it we seem to run into a disagreement every time we both comment in a verse thread? It's... a little funny, actually.

*head pops up*

An argument? Do I have to start another cagematch thread with whip cream?

I'm pretty sure we're banned from Chicago, so you'll have to find another city with largo rooftops if that's the case.

To clarify: It is woman on purpose, for the connotation, not the meter. The word loose was, however, used incorrectly because I can't spell worth a goat half the time. It should be lose. I get them confused

I wouldn't think you would complain... and as for being a Catgirl, that's a little embarrassing... and a long story. I almost didn't want to show my face back in these forums. I mean, when have I EVER been cute?? But, its gotten a little better, so I came back. No one better laugh at my big ears... I'll hear you. They ARE freaking huge, I can hear everything...

I read that thread. It was good clean fun! Well, clean is probably not the right word at all, but, well...

~Zippo (who is resisting the urge to chase her tail)

edit: because I spelled goat wrong. The irony, it kills me

This post has been edited by Zippo on Jul 28 2008, 06:32 AM