[filk] Story Of Love, From Billy Joel's "River of Dreams"

I had to read all of pages again to make sure this would work, and it was worth it because I like the way it turned out.

The original is Billy Joel's "River of Dreams"

The lyrics are HERE

I have too much empathy, and I relate a little strongly to Fred's Characters, especially Piro, and I've wanted to get down some of my thoughts in this format for a long time now.

_______________________________________________

Story of Love

(Chorus 1)
In the middle of my life
It makes you want to weep
From the US to Japan
I’ve gotten in too deep
I’ve been looking for something
Is it the means to get back?
I want to act out my feelings
But I’m afraid of the flak.

(Verse 1: Chapter 0 – Chapter 2)
Even though I know the chances are nil
I can’t help but hope my dreams will somehow come true
I get the feeling that there’s a glimmer of hope
And it’s worth risking the chaos that is sure to ensue

(Chorus 2)
In the middle of my life
It makes you want to weep
Through an affair of confusion
I’ve gotten in too deep
I’ve been searching for something
The words are so hard to find
Had trouble recognizing her
I might as well be blind.

(Verse 2: Chapter 2 – Chapter 4)
Does she realize I’m not trying to fight?
I’m going crazy from losing my internal war
Don’t want to be pathetic for the rest of my life
Is this really the girl that I’ve been looking for?

(Chorus 3)
In the middle of my life
It makes you want to weep
Fighting the fear to reconcile
I’ve gotten in too deep
I’ve been reaching for something
What is this feeling I feel?
Soul sickness dissipating?
Am I starting to heal?
In the middle of my life

(Verse 3: Chapter 6 – Chapter 8)
Is life s’posed to be as confusing as this
God knows I’ve never been a confident man
I pray I’ll somehow find the courage I need,
To be true to my feelings, and finally take a stand

(Chorus 4)
In the middle of my life
It makes you want to weep
Through the feelings of awe
I’ve gotten in too deep
We started off wrong
I looked for answers above
I act out my feelings
It’s a Story of Love
In the middle of my life

_______________________________________________

Let the slashing and burning commence!

Billy Joel sings fast enough that it is not that easy to sing his lyrics on the first couple of tries, even with the words in front of you. That made it very challenging to write this, especially the verses.

I wrote the chapter headings as a guide, but I decided to keep them in in case they interested you.

It turned out to be a bit more religious than I anticipated. If you can help me get some of that out while keeping the rhythm, I would appreciate it. "River of Dreams" (Which I had to listen to scores of times) has enough of that stuff in it that my mind defaulted to that direction when it got tough to write.

The two parts that were the most difficult were the last two verses. For some reason the first verse came very easily. I did succeed in making the whole song singable to the original song, but there are a few parts where you have to be a bit creative with pronunciations, and I could use some help with those.

Thanks in advance, I appreciate your input.

This post has been edited by guided fox on Jan 14 2007, 05:32 PM

Overall, it's an excellent piece.

As for the general "looking for the meaning of it all" tenor of the piece, you were probably influenced by both the substance and by the gospel-style rhythm of the original.

As for the references to god and prayer in verse 3, I see no need for you to take those out. I don't find them distracting or objectionable, and god knows I ain't a religious man.

With the exception of his very last statement, I'll agree with everything Shoka posted. Listening to the song while reading the filk, a few lines seemed too long, "confident" is spelled with an "E," and the phrase "this feeling I feel" could be improved by changing "feeling" to something more specific, but these are just nitpicks.

Again, I agree with Shoka that these references ought to stay - but that's because they strengthen the piece. Though Fred hasn't told us much of anything about his characters' religious beliefs, Piro seems to have been drifting along without much purpose in life. Perhaps the experiences you're describing in this filk will at least alleviate, if not eradicate, that borderline-nihilism of his. That would be a religious experience now, wouldn't it?

This post has been edited by Wavebird_Ocelot on Jan 14 2007, 04:13 PM

Very good, it works out nicely. Kinda sums up MT and gives us quite a bit of insight into what Piro feels.

Wow i just read it again. Actually it's spot on. Don't edit any of it out, it's fine the way it is. If you do this often, keep it up. It's refreshing to see something else besides all this character-depth-discussion-mumbo-jumbo-ow-my-head-hurts stuff.

Excellent!

Cool, I like those comments.

Certainly I find myself looking at Piro's situation from a spiritual perspective, but I was afraid that projecting my feelings onto Piro might make it less real to people who didn't think that way. I'd never thought of the characters as nihilist, but now that you say it, I can kinda see it. There are a few notable exceptions, but it is there.

I definitely agree with Wavebird about some lines being too long. the song doesn't have enough space in the verses and chorus to write everything I wanted, and it was a struggle to keep them down in length.

The "What is this feeling I feel?" line made me smile after I realized that even though it was a bit redundant, it captured what I was looking for. If I had thought of a better word for either one, I would definitely have written it though, do you have any suggestions?

I likely won't do this often, I'm not naturally creative about the arts. Its more work for me to do this kind of thing than many of the other amazing people on the forums.

Thanks again guys.

@Shoka, W_O: You guys are spot on about the religious references, though I think Fred would be blowing open a forum jihad (term not used unintentionally) if he brought religion to MT. It might be more of a killer than Largo-Piro slashfics(Heaven forbid...)

@GF: Anyone who says that filking isn't hard work should try it. It is never so easy. There are people who assume that filking and other forms of writing just come naturally, that we authors sit and put our fingers on the keyboard and magic letters show up on the screen.

This has a lot of potential, but some of your diction could use work. A lot of lines are maybe a syllable or two over the song, which can work sometimes, but doesn't do so well with this particular piece. Consider: Rather than "I’ve gotten in too deep" consider "I'm in a little too deep." Same meaning, but it sings better.

For the sake of adding content rather than just critting, here's the next track from the Essential Billy Joel, filked to Miho
---------------------
Matter of Control
TTTO: All About Soul

She waits for days in line. She waits to buy a system.
She pays without a second thought; She's glad it finally came.
She takes the white box home and she hooks it up with pleasure.
She turns it on, the quiet hum; she'll never be the same.

She's got some control
She'll leave life behind in exchange for her freedom
She's found her control
And now that she's got it she smiles like a demon.
She knows how to win
No longer a round peg in a square hole.
She plays by her rules, never to lose,
She's found her control...

She has to eat sometimes, but she always comes back running.
'Cause reality is far too harsh and dreams are always kind.
Plugged inside a land of lights where the world is just bits of data.
Second chances are more common when you live inside your mind

She's got her control
She's mastered the fine art of manipulation
And with that control
Whoever would try to deny her her station?
She can't lose it now
she's worked far too hard, but she's losing her hold
Reality sucks, but down in the muck,
she keeps her control....

And the people who obey aren't aware that they're obeying
They are pawns to her, just data. On-screen people aren't alive.
She wants to be like this until she's completely lifeless
It's all she's good at any more, the last way to survive

She wants her control
She wants to get out, but she's dug too far under
She wants her control
She needs something more, not vacuous hunger
She can't leave her room
The sights that she sees cause pain in her soul
So tuck it away, if that's what she pays,
to keep her control
-----------------------
Now, for some reason, people keep saying I'm good at this. I persist in my disbelief, but there are some things that I think are vital, which might be part of it.
1. Vary the rhymes. The rhyme scheme and the actual words at the end of the lines are two different things.
2. Make sure it sings. Otherwise, what's the point? Listening to the song while writing is often a big help.
3. Keep it interesting! Do things people don't expect! You wrote a song about Piro in a positive, empathetic light, and that's very rare! I like it a lot, so polish it up!
4. PRACTICE!!! Even if they're not all decent, even if people tear them to shreds, you're gonna do well eventually! Hell, you're doing well already.

So there you go. You got the Triumvirate in your first thread: Shoka, Ocelot, and I have reputations in this forum, and we didn't get that reputation by supporting people who weren't good or tearing people down who were posting for the first time. That's what they do over in the CW forum. [Joking, joking...kind of]

Keep writing, and bring another one of these!
-Mad Wordsmith

Why is it I never hear any Billy Joel songs on the radio? Filks always seem to be the first place I even hear of them. :/

Anyway, I loved "Matter of Control." Miho is, by far, the most popular subject for our forum bards, but not so many seem to deal with her "pre-comic" days, so to speak.

Now, I'll back all four of themadwordsmith's suggestions, especially

Very few written fanworks get torn to shreds, but the point stands. It's not like one needs to post everything one writes - throughout my "career," I've only posted about 60% of my fanworks. For my first year or so, it was closer to 40%. Point is, I learned some things even from those filks and poems that only I have had the misfortune to read.

It's a bit cliche, but bears repeating - write for yourself. Otherwise, you can't help but sound fake. So what if some people can't identify? You can't please everybody, and those who can identify with what you write will love you all the more for seeming to speak to them.

This post has been edited by Wavebird_Ocelot on Jan 15 2007, 08:30 PM

I think it's pretty good. Needs a little work though with the words. Some don't fit in with the rythem.