[disc] The 4th Kingdom, 3 kingdoms at the mercy of a 4th kingdom

Um.....hi this is my new story im working on. This is my first time so could you please eare up on the criticizing

Setting:
the story takes place on a world know as Zieg. It is medievil times and Celestians (angelic beings) dominate the sky in huge floating cities. Humans live on land with many other races. there is some magic but not a whole lot (wanted to get away from ungodly magic users). The three kingdoms are Celestia: the floating city, Alexander: Capital of the human kingdom, and Eraverte: Kingdom of Daemons. The celstians and Daemons don't get along
Technology:
This world is mostly fought with weapons such as swords, axes, bows, etc, but their are artificiers coming up with new forms of technology like the soulless Golem. Mos of these practices have been stoped after the destruction of Vairrios: City of machines.
Races
mostly all races are permitted in the story, but the most dominate are the Daemons, Humans, and Celestians

i am currently working on the plot if you have any questions just ask away.

...

So... What are the characters supposed to be doing, exactly?

And, uh, the capital of the human kingdom. Say -- what is the human kingdom?

This post has been edited by Last of Fallen on Mar 13 2005, 06:06 PM

Read it. Learn it. Do it.

This has an interesting concept, but your explanation of it is quite below average. Much expansion, elaboration and precision is needed.

Indeed, the first stop for all should be Andy's excellent disc thread.

That's my unofficial job around here...

If it's your first time, you should take extra-special care with how you present yourself. Remember, first impressions are important. (That includes above all on a forum like this being able to type properly - grammar and spelling are friends, not foreign countries.)

Okay, I'll stop right here. Medieval times by what standard? I'm assuming european medieval - however there's also Japanese medieval (Shogun era), Chinese medieval (I forget the name of this one but it's prior to their empire...) and Middle-Eastern Medieval (Modern-day) - in the European medieval period, the middle east or rather Islamic Civilisation was going through its rennaisance and China was in its golden age.

Is this a good thing, or a bad thing, on the whole?

So magic is ungodly by the standards of Zieg as well then? That's not always the case, by the way - in a fictional, fantasy world magic doesn't only come from ungodly demons and such, it could just be a force anyone can tap or the world's equivalent of science.

But prompted by your question, what exactly are the religions of Zieg? Can priests channel the power of their god? Are there multiple gods, none at all, one?

If magic is limited, how do the Celestian cities stay afloat? Lighter-than-air gas? If so, Where do they get it?

If it's something like helicopter blades, how the hell do they keep spinning?

How big is this world, exactly? If the action's limited to just a little continent or something I can understand why there are only three kingdoms. But I should point out that humans don't always get along, and I have little reason to suspect that Celestians or Daemons are all that unified either. What sort of power struggles happen in these kingdoms? Are they feudal, with lots of warfare between members of the same kingdom? Republics, with debate and the occasional knife in the dark?

So golems are a form of technology? Does this mean that they use clockwork and/or steam power to move, or are they electronic? Or is there a weird-science like Aether of the Aquasilva universe that enables them to work?

What other technologies could one expect? Clockpunk seems most likely, but is it the case?

"All races"? What do you mean by "All races"? Standard-fare Humans, Elves, Dwarves and Orcs? D&D esque Humans, Elves, Gnomes, Halflings, Dwarves, Trolls, Orcs etc? Pseudo-celtic Wights or Faerie in all their multidudinous glory? Anthropomorphic animals?

For that matter, are Daemons and Celestians just regular living creatures, or demon/angel analogues? If they're just living things, are there real demons and angels out there?

Otherwise, welcome to the forums.

Ok..Ok i honostly didn't think about most of the things you listed so here is a second try...for beter or worse.

Setting
The story takes place on a world known as zieg.It is in a medievil setting and i mean a european medievil... only with huge populated cities. The Celestians dominate the sky in huge flaoting cities. (this is sort of a good thing, because they mostly keep the peace) Humans live on land with other races such as the Daemon, Elves, dwarfs, orcs, ogeres, and some goblins. There is a great deal of magic in this world were almost anyone can tap into a certain element given to them at birth. The three kingdoms are located on a continent a little bit bigger than Russia. The two kingdoms on the ground are Eraverte (kingdom of the Daemons, south) and Alexander (kingdom of Humans and Elves, north west). The 3rd kingdom dominates the whole sky this kingdom is called Celestia. The fourth kingdom will come into play later. also remember that the 3 kingdoms do not toataly dominate the whole continent, some places are still independent or rebel cities. The Daemons are enemys due to their conquest for more land, and hate the celestions for their labeling them evil and wishes to take the skies away from their oppresers. Celestions lead a peacefull life and are most know for their labeling themselves as divine creatures (good) and calling the Daemons greedy, digusting, filth (evil). Humans have associated themselves as nuetral, but still thirst for power and are constantly fighting daemons forland and are also crushing rebel cities and taking them for thier own.

I have to go but, i will have everything finished hopefully by tomarrow.
(thanks for the help guys.... also give me a reply on what i have so far)

Races
The races are pretty common with Humans, ekves, daemons, celestians, kitsune (fox people), simulacram, and other races just make sure just to run them by me first.
I also wanted to say that the daemons and celestians are real angels and demons with wings and other things.

Technology
The technology is like what you would find in FF9 with advances in steam engines that are also powered by magic. Golems (magic and engine powered), airships, and Huge mechanized Gates between the kingdoms are huge pieces of technology. The floating cities although are powered by magic. Bttles are fought with swords, axes, bows, etc, but new advances have some people with hand guns. (plz only one or two people with guns)(think of final fantasy tactics: swords and guns).Their is also many clockwork mechanics in this land.
objective
Is to unite the kingdoms in order to defeat Sinn. sinn is the leader of the new 4th kingdom. (this is easier said than done)

If you would like to join here is the nessicary things you will need on a character sheet....sorry but still working on plot.

Name:
race:
age:
hieght:
wieght:
appearence:
weapon:you are limited to 3 unless you pm me about it
possesion:an item you cherish
element:what element you can use as magic (fire, ice, water, earth, wind, water, lightning, holy, dark, divine)
abilities:any abilities i should know about.
special technique:special attack
history:

sorry about not having the plot done.

Hey there.

Noticed Wapa did a nice job of inquisitioning you.... dont take it as a bad thing, beleive me it can be the best thing that ever happens to your rp. It was for me.

The Inquisition is not meant to criticise... instead... think of it as a tool to enhance your imagination... another perspective thinking of the shit you may have forgotten or overlooked.

And remember.... Im not just an Inquisitor for the C.I.S.... Im also a victim!


That all aside... allow me to further pry open your creativity.

CELESTIALS

Their cities are magic based and float above. Sweet.

1. What do they eat. Im assuming they dont grow farms up in the clouds.... or do they? Are they Omniverous or perhaps they are sustained by the very divine power that created them. You tell me.

2. What kind of caste system do they have? What I mean is... are there lesser angels... then full angels that rule over them... and Archangels above them? If so... what kind of Heirarchy is there to their leadership?

3. you mention their opinion on Daemons. Is that universal (All angels hate all demons?) or just a consensus. What about their views on Humans and other "Terran" (ground walking) races?


DAEMONS

Power hungry expansionists... nice... but wheres the love?

1. The general view of Daemons is bad.... but is it deserved? Do they maraude the countryside? Are they particularily vicious?

2. What is THEIR opinion of the humans and other races?

3. Again, what kind of rulership system do they make use of in their cities.

ALL KINGDOMS

1. Currency. Is the same form of currency used between each kingdom? Do each of the races use their own coin... and if so... is Angelic Coin worth less or nothing in Daemon kingdoms? and VIce versa.

2. You mention that magic is somthing that everyone can tap into a bit. Define "Tap Into" Or your going to end up with all those ungodly magic users you didnt want *lol*.



Hrm... well its not much of an inquisition... but Im not at top form lately. Not enough time at this damn borrowed computer to really grill your noodle.

*sigh* Oh well... hope this helps you out and GOOD LUCK!

this sounds like fun. are there guns, cause if there are i want a +10 gatling gun of uber death to allness. just messing

Hey Wrathman Sounds cool i'll join BOSLEY

Hmmmm...By your request, I have looked into this. And I believe it has some potential, I'm already working on a nice Daemon character, who will be very different to Red in Faytes of the Kingdom...If you want help with a plot and development I'd be more than happy to help in anyway I can.

Ooh, this RPG stood out to me. I like. I want to make a charecter that isn't among the races you mentioned, izzat ok Wrath?

Name: Raiser Dresden
race: Terul (race of beings emplyed under Daemon control, origins unknown)
age: 23
height: 6'3"
weight: 210 lbs.
appearence: (literally)red hair, sapphire eyes, scar on his left cheek, slight build
weapon: Zel' Ren (hand and a half sword, green blade, emblem in handle shaped like a dragon), a small disc with thin blades, a bow and a quiver of arrows.
possesion: A dead rose
element: Dark
abilities: Mind read
special technique: Sral' Dun Kapor (Death Hawk)
history: Raiser's family was among those who served the elite soldiers of the Daemon army, and served them for generations. Raiser was no exception until one battle. During a campaign, he was mistaken for an enemy and a daemon struck him barely across the face, leaving a scar. It was then Raiser lost his temper and struck his ally, and anyone near him, friend or foe. After the battle was finished, he was sentenced to exile from the daemon kingdom for treason. With a heavy heart, he left what he knew and made his way to the human kingdom. There he took up arms as a mercenary, allocating funds in any way he could. He wears his armor from his days as a soldier, to keep hope one day he would fight for another army.

That chachter is fine Falgor.... and yes it would be most appreciated if you helped me keyo.....and yes Repoman there are guns but only a few.

Ps. Falgor could you include what your special atack does and just so everyone knows unless your a mage tapping into your element is bieng able to fire a projectile or of you element and/or a small beam. You can also power up your weapon.



And one more thing falgor the disk with blades did you get that from AVP

This post has been edited by Hell Wrath on Mar 15 2005, 07:08 PM

No... God, why is it that I get ideas, then learn they were already taken? Either my luck is really sucking with the coincidences, or my mind is betraying me.

Sral' Dun Kapor is just basically Raiser using his trusty blade as an arrow! He takes careful aim, and 95% of the time he hits his target. The other 5% he hits somewhere else on the body.

well if you explain your idea of the disk it actually might not be it....but right now im frying my brain thinking of plot.

Celsetians:
They have deen able to make special green houses for making food so insted of floating cities...let me rephraise as floating pieces of land with a city on it.

Caste system:descending(highest form is at bottom)
peasent:are farmers and servants
trader: keep stores running such as inns, weapon shop, and item shops
Angelic warrior: foot soldiers
Divinitys: holy mages
Arch angels: elite warriors
Savior: special ops elite (fiercest warrior)
Prophet: a low class leader (little power)
Hierarch: middle class leader (leads the army)
Greater Prophet: highest class leader. has complete control over everything in their kingdom.

Oppinion of races:
Most angels hate daemons but only because the Greater Prophet has proclaimed that they are evil and we are good. Some angels believe their is good in all living things and wish to prove this. Celestians think Terrain races are the nuetral subject. beleives that if they lead a bad life they will be reborn as a Terul until debts are paid and will become human once more. If they lead a good life they will be born as a Dervernie and serve in heavan (celestia).

Daemon:
The overall look on daemons are that they are evil (never turn your back on them), but it is not deserved they only act that way after centuries of prossecution and oppresion. Some daemons still have love in their heart but are unaware weather to show it or keep quiet. Most daemons are verocious and are known for talking on 7 human by themselves.
Their oppinion on humans is that they are all right except that they hold key positions for their use and this has begun the out break of war amongst their countries. Most daemons like the greedy buisness man only in it for money. (it is rummered that some men are funding daemons for war)

caste system:
peasent/hunter:hunts and farms food
trader/merchant: just like celestians with the exception for black smiths
daemon:foot soldier
Decimate ones: elite warriors
juggernauts: special breed of super strong daemons
Shadows:dark mages
Eraverte: special ops daemons
high gaurd: leaders of armies
adviser: advisers of the king
King:ruler of daemons

this is just stuff that would help out the story but i got to go bye

Name: Durial Fatefist
race: Demonic Angel
age: Unknown
hieght: 10'
wieght: 300 lbs
appearence: Durial has two pairs of wings, one demonic, the other angelic, has long flowing silver hair, has two inch long fangs, spikes on his forearms and lower legs, black red eyes, and an inverted pentagram on one cheek and a normal pentagram on the other
weapon:you are limited to 3 unless you pm me about it: Tamashii Hikari (6' tall magic bastard sword) two Katana's one holy the other unholy
possesion:an item you cherish: a crystal knife that he wears around his neck on a necklace
element:what element you can use as magic (fire, ice, water, earth, wind, water, lightning, holy, dark, divine) all (if thats okay, if not just shadow magic)
abilities:any abilities i should know about. He can fly(obviously) and that is about it, and he is very manipulative
special technique:special attack: Judgement strike, Shadow assault, holy strike, unholy strike, final assault
history: Durial's past is a mystery even to himself. He was found at the entrance to the human city and raised as best as the humans could, other then that he has journeyed to find his past. The only clue he has to his herritage is the crystal knife that he wears around his neck

Name: Fefnir Ragnarok

Race: Half-Daemon

Height 6"7

Weight: 287lbs

Weapons: Hiko no Shibo (Flying Death - A thick metal ring with four feather shaped blades attached. It is worn on his right hand, with the blades pointing back along the arm. In a fight, one of the blades can spring forward to work like a blade. It can be thrown with all four blades in position, and the blades can be laucnched off as projectile weapons), whip, extending spear, bolas x 3, a good supply of gun powder and various herbs (used either for patching himself up, or poisoning)

Appearence: Shawn white hair, his left eye has a black daemon symbol tattooed around it, translating as 'Death', his eyes are pure blue, covering the whole sphere, with a white ring around the pupil, which is a deep blue, rather than black. He wears a tattered purpled cape, brown trousers and boots with a large brown belt and silver buckle, vaguely shaped like a panther's head, but with red eyes (the paint is worn and the buckle is badly scuffed.) He wears brown leather armour over a black shirt, with a faded black 'v' shape on the front of the armour. He has large leather shoulder pads (the V symbol on the right one) and he wears a large knuckle duster on his left hand (made from a thick leather with five brass studs), and a specially made glove on his right (for catching, wielding, and carrying the Hiko no Shibo).

Element: None. Though he does have command magic for using Daemon rune-technology.
Abilities: Trained in many Daemonic fighting styles, methods of assination, tracking. Also, being a Half- Daemon, he is stronger and faster than most humans, also possesing sharper senses.

Possesion: Erm. Well...he's really attached to the Hiko no Shibo.

History: Fefnir is the bastard child of a human lord and a female daemon. Fefnir has spent many years learning the way of Daemon combat. He managed to reach the rank Eraverte, before new laws banned those of non-pure blood from being at such rank. Since, he has left the Daemon kingdom and become a feared bounty hunter. He is one of only 28 beings who can wield the Hiko no Shibo.

Personality: A man who has come through a life of discrimination laughing. He is, at heart, a jolly person, but with a grim appreciation of his job. An efficiant killer he also enjoys singing, drinking (though he rarely gets drunk). A man of his word (as many people have unfortunatly discovered when he's said 'I'm going to kill you'.)

Keyo... your character is fine, but Durial there are just a few things to change about yours.
1) Unfortunatly you cant have all elements... just pick 2.
2) My character was going to be a demonic angel.... and anyways your guy is like 10 ft tall. You could change it to a greater daemon or stay a half breed but be half daemon half Terul, which would make a strong daemon.

thats really all got to go.

Hey, since I made the Terulian race, mind I explain the suckers? I will anyways.

The Terul's origins as I said were unknown. They resemble elves in a way, with pointy ears, but shorter ears, and they live for long times. However, they are very proficient in the dark arts, and some of the gifted can talk to others using the Mind Touch ability. They are very leery of the Daemon King, since he employs them left and right for military work only, and word has it that some wish to abandon.

alright i got a few more minutes.

Name:Zinn Arknaut
Age:94 (equivalent to a 17 year old human)
race: Half-Deamon (other half is uknown to him)
class: Sword fighter/ monk( fist fighter)
hieght:6'3
wieght:210
weapon: Hellwrath: a great sword carved from a diamond. The blade is incredibly sharp... how sharp.... sharp enough just to cut through your hand just by holding the blade. He also wears gloves that have ancient markings on them that amplify the damage of a normal punch.
possesion: a golden orb with ancient silver markings... twists and turns like a rubix cube only this is a shere.
element:divine (combines shadow and holy)
Apearence: Zinn Has brown spiked hair that is combed back and emerald green eyes. He also has horns that are about 4 inches long that are going the same way his hair is. (almost impossible to see unless really close) He wears brown boots with black baggy pants. He has a white long sleeved shirt with a black vest over it. Wears his gloves and a robe (somtimes). He sword hangs down at his side. He mostly looks human and wonders why he dosent have wings.
ability: when his emotions run high he will transform into hi full daemonic form. When he does this his wings sprout and his horns grow to 8 inches, his body will also turn a kind of red orange color, this includes his clothes. He then is faster stronger and can fly.
special attack: screaming fist, (causes his fist to deal a sonic burst of damage) and the divine slash (causes a creasent shaped attack that deals non elemental damage)

history: Zinn had a hard time growing up. He was banished from the daemon kingdom when he was born... they called him an abomination. He wandered the deserts of Soalanne until he met an old man, who became a father figure. his name was Brom. Brom trained zinn in the arts of sword fighting and martial arts. Brom died after 50 years of training with Zinn. Zinn did not know what to do so he went to put his talents to work as a gaurd but no one would accept protection from a daemon.After that he went to live in the rebal town called Esquare were he became a full fledged mercenary. He now spends his time in the local bar raising money from fights and his mercenary job. He senses that war is coming.

Also i forgot Durial could you only have one or two special attacks.

Posting my character… yay! If I don't have everything right... please, please tell me! Thanks!

Name: Raika
Race: Celestial
Age: 18
Height: 5’7
Weight: 60kgs (I don't know how to convert it)

Appearance: Humanoid, symmetrical with black leather wings (thanks dad), long black hair and pitch black eyes. Think… dark. I’ll post a picture later.

Weapon: A black enchanted bow and a long thin blade.

Possession: The bow – given to me by my father.

Element: Water and Air – inexpertly only. I have a lot to learn about control over it.

Abilities: I understand Technology up to a certain degree, but it’s more than the normal person would, and I can fly very fast.

Special technique: Frozen Shield – a shield that harnesses the power of ice crystals in the same formation as a diamond, giving it almost impenetrable strength. It depletes energy levels quite fast (therefore can only be used for a short while, 2min max) and can be powered by anyone touching it, but I need to form it.

History: My mother was an archangel, therefore I am quite an influential person as well. Had a decent upbringing, education, the works. My father (half-celestial, half deamon) taught me more, resulting in me turning out like a crossbreed would. Weird. The dark colouring of Daemons was passed down to me from him as well – explaining my dark features. My parents raised me until I was 12, then they were killed in an accident. I was interchanged between and trained by grandparents after that. I socialize with other races a lot… My grandparents don’t like that…

Um... that's it for now...

yes that is fine crimson blood, just give more to your appearence and like what your character is waering

Hmph...alot of mixed blood in this RP...I just went with it so as not to make Fefnir too powerful.

Oh, for the record. The Hiko no Shibo is a piece of rune-technology, hence why few people can use one. Essentially, if you can't use the right rune magic, it's not much use to you.

Well i made this Rp so i could be a half breed every one else went with it...... we need some full blooded people of other races.

Uh... Hell Wrath? Do you read the book Eragon? That was no coincidence, you freaking used that old guy from the book. I know it, don't lie to me.