[fanfic] The Diary Of Nanasawa Kimiko, My first and last if you dont like it

That would be the reason I would never post anything like this.
My English grammarskills would be laughed upon. It's terrible to get yelled at because of grammar, even though it's not my primary language.

[EDIT] ahhh no double post. I'm terribly sorry.

This post has been edited by -Mati on Jan 3 2005, 04:04 PM

Thanks a lot, and let me answer you're questions before I up in the next set of entries.
My point for starting at 10 was to show that eduation system is, well, a little more advanced then here in the states. If I over-did that I agologise, but I don't intend on changing what I've writen.
As for the text and how old I intend to get Kimiko before she meets Piro will come in due time.
As for my other works, none are online, I keep them all in my computer. If any of you wish to read them I'd be more then happy to post some, or email them to you if you wish. I only ask that if I do you show me the kindness of not taking my ideas without asking.
And as for my name, "Muck" is one of my many nicknames. I tend to use Muck the most for sn.

Anyho, here's the next set:



(Age 11)
Entry 37-

<I can't believe daddy is leaving again. He and mommy never say where he goes, but everytime he leaves he never comes back for like a month. And last time he came back he had a broken arm. I was so scared, but he said he was ok.

Oh no. I think he's leaving now.

--------

Daddy left right after dinner. He didn't eat much. I guess he wasn't very hungry. We didn't talk much, but we were all really really tired.

I almost forgot. Tomorrow is Miya's birthday, and we're all going to go out to her favorite place. It's called Ann Miru. I think. Anyway we're all going out and then we're going to her house to open her presents and eat some cake. I know she's going to love my gift. It's a set ment for three best friends. A hair band, a hair ribbon, and a braclet. They don't seem like they would be in a set, but they each say "Friendship."

Mommy said it would be more lucky to say a prayer or them. I'm going to do that before I got to sleep.

Before I go to sleep, I need to write this down.
There's this boy in my class I can't stop looking at. He is just so cute!! He doesn't like to talk a lot, but that's ok, he's still cute. His name is Mihako. He's made fun of cause people think it sounds like a girl's name.

Well nighty night.>




Entry 38-

<That was so much fun!!!
There was a new server at Ann Millers. I can't remember what her name was, but Miya's mom is never going to forget her.
We were sitting in two booths right next to each other. Miya's mom was sitting with the older kids, and me and Miya were in the other one. This server was carrying two coffee pots over to a lot of people. When she came by our tables a customer shouted something. She jumped and fell one the floor. When she fell, so did the two pots. One fell on her and the other fell right on Miya's mom's head. We couldn't stop laughing after that.

If I ever work somewhere like this I know that's never going to happen to me.

When we went back to Miya's house we went right to the gifts. She got so many things, but she said mine was the best. When I told her what they were for she said she knew just who to give them to. She kept the braclet herself and gave me the hair band. She didn't even know that was the one I wanted. The ribbon she gave to her newest friend. Her name is Megumi. She has the longest hair of the three of us, and the nicest I think. She was very happy to get it.

After the gifts we played Truth or Dare. It's a fun game, but I worry about being asked something I don't want to tell. And it happened. Miya's friend asked me if I liked Mihako. I really didn't want to say, but I said I did. They all had a big laugh from that. One of them even said he was a lost cause. He liked girls in video games too much to care about real girls. I didn't say anything to her. I know she's lying.

Well, that's all for now.
Sayonara!!>

This post has been edited by IamMuck on Jan 3 2005, 07:14 PM

I think Anna Miru is a better misspelling of Anna Miller's than Anna Mill. Don't know why. More Japanese, perhaps.

Interesting though. The Mihako:Piro paralell seems painfully obvious, but it could have potential.

This post has been edited by UserGoogol on Jan 3 2005, 06:34 PM

I like the coffee pot reference, and I think if worked out all right the Piro parallel might work...

you forgot the < > for the second one...

I believe Anna Miraa might be more correct, but I agree with your choice. Anna Miru is less awkward-sounding.

EDIT: Bah! How come nobody ever responds so much to my 'fic topics? Guess you just have to have a decent rep first.

This post has been edited by Javer on Jan 3 2005, 09:10 PM

And so the plot thickens. *strokes goatee*

Subtle, it is not. The parallels between it and "modern" MT are painfully obvious, but interesting nonetheless. No matter how much the little kid journal voice gets on my nerves, I will be checking for future chapters. I just can't not find out where poor Kimiko's father goes off to.

As for Javer, don't get discouraged, I like your fanfics. *Inspirational music* Don't give up!

Oh, the irony. The delicious, wonderful irony.

I like this story, Muck. I really do. I always enjoy seeing the world through a child's eyes, and you do a very good job of simulating that. Keep it up!

If I'm being too obviouse with my connection to the current MT, just ask and I'll change her previous entries. To be honest, this was all the connections to the current MT I was going to make for a while. I really just started with this just to let people know that I'm going to stay true to Fred's plot.

But enough of me talking, here's the next one for anyone who wants to know where I'm to go with this:



Entry 52-

<Daddy got back today and he seemed really happy. I just realised I've been talking about myself all this time and I haven't said much about my friends.
You already know Miya is my best friend, but I never did say how I met her.
I'll never forget it. It was like a dream. I was only 6, so where I lived seemed much bigger. Mommy was taking me for a walk in the park. The same one we buried Giki. It wasn't raining, but I remember very gray clouds.

I can't remember exactly how it happened. One moment mommy was right next to me and the next moment she was gone. I was sooooo scared. Everything seemed to grow around me. I felt so small. I was going to scream my head off, but then I heard something.

I could hear a voice, but I cound't tell where it came from. The voice said "Are you ok?"
I was scared, but also happy to hear someone. When I turn around I saw Miya sitting on a bench by herself. She was the same size as me. She asked me if I was ok again. I told her I lost my mom. When I told her that she said her mother was coming by to pick her up. She said I could wait with her till her mom came and she would help me.

We sat there for only a few minutes, but we did nothing but talk. After a while I found out she went to my school and I even remembered seeing her a few times.

When Miya's mom found us I was so happy to see my own mom with her. Turns out she was looking for me all that time. After that day me and Miya met at school all the time and soon became real good friends.

I'll never forget that day. For that one moment Miya was like an Angel that came and saved me.

Lunch time!!
Sayonara.>





Entry-53

<Since I told you about Miya the other day, I thought I would tell a little about Megumi. To tell the truth I don't know a lot about her.

She's in the same class with Miya, so we don't get too many chances to talk at school. When we do talk we get along almost like sisters. She has much prettier hair then me, so I'm glad she got the ribbon. It looks so cute in her hair. It is a little big for her now, but it'll look perfect when she's older.

Anyway, she is a lot of fun. She beat all of us in almost any game. Everyone wants her on their team, and she's so good the teacher lets her pick which team she wants to be on. Every time she picks the team either me or Miya are on.

An amazing thing happened one day, I just remembered. Me, Miya, and Megumi were talking in my classroom between one class and three boys came up to us. They were older then us so I was surprised to see them in our room. They came over to us and asked if we wanted to "play" with them after school. I'm not really sure if they ment something bad by that, but Miya and Megumi seemed to, so we told them no. They gave us a look that really scared me. They were just about to do something when Megumi stopped them all of a sudden. She whispered something to them, and even today I don't know what she said. But when she did the two guys turned and ran out of our class. I haven't seen them since then.

There is one more thing I should add. I know it sounds crazy, but there are some times when Megumi looks like me almost. Maybe I'm just seeing things.

Anyway, that's all for now.
Sayonara!>








I hope this shows that I'm not going to be so obvious with my current MT connections. Trust me, if I had started the other way I was going to, then you all would have cursed me for not connecting enough.

By the way, I was thinking of maybe coming up with a sketch of Miya, and with enough luck get to a scanner. Sadly I don't have one. But I will do no such thing if this fanfic of mine isn't as, well, interesting as I'd like it to me.

Please tell me if I'm messing up.

Thanks.

This post has been edited by IamMuck on Jan 4 2005, 08:38 PM

And so it seems like your writing style will develop over the course on how old she gets...

this seems to me like the simple writing style fits in perfectly with the way you are keeping it.

Mucky, your fanfic is very much original. Especially in the way it is kept. It is neither narrative nor poetic. It's a girl writing down all of her thoughts on journal.



I am going to continue reading this to see how all this relates to Megatokyo even further! Keep it up Muck!

Thank's. I always like to try for something that no one else is doing. Or, if I'm really in the mood, I'll take a style someones doing, and turn it into something totally different.

And, if you'll note, I updated a post with two more enties. Sometimes I don't even know where I'm going with what I write.

Again thanks. I'll have the next ones up tomorrow. I don't know if I'll put two or three.

Since nothing's been said about the last two, I'll just keep going.


Entry 76-

<This is birthday number twelve. For the last year I told mom and dad over and over what I wanted for this birthday. If I got nothing else for my birthday I wanted a kitten. Sure enough I woke up to a little grey and white face. They even gave him a little blue collar with "Oken" stiched into the side. Just the name I wanted for him.

He's the most unusual cat I've ever seen. He's mostly grey on his back, head, legs, and tail. Along his belly, at the end of his paws, and around his nose and mouth is the lightest shade of white. What's most unusual about him is the random patches of light brown mixed in with the grey. And just around the edges of his eyes is the same light brown.

I haven't heard him meow once since I got him. He doesn't seem to purr a lot, but when he does it's so amazing how relaxing it is.

Right now he's sleeping on my mat with me. He's right in the middle of the bottom. If I didn't know any better I'd say he knew just where to be so I could slide my legs down when I lie down. I can't begin to tell you how cute he looks curled up. From the back he looks like a little fuzz ball.

Just looking at him is making me sleepy.
Goodnight.>




Entry 81-

<I can't stand it. Daddy has left somewhere seven times in the last two months. It didn't used to bother me, but the last few times he came back and never said anything for at least a day. I've given up trying to talk to mommy about it. I don't think even she knows where he's been going.

I've been praying that I would at least find a clue to where he goes. And I might have found it. The last time he came back he had and open envelope in his hand. He was holding on to it tightly, but he didn't seem to even notice it. When he and mom when to some kind of meeting, or something, I looked thru his room for a long time. When I was going to give up I found the envelope.

There was one peice of folded paper in it. I was very happy when I thought I would find this out, but the paper was typed in English. I could only make out a few words, but not enough to understand it. I copied down everything on that paper as best I could on a different peice of paper. I am taking English classes at school (we all are) so I'm sure I'll find out what it says soon.

I'm not as worried as I was a while ago because dad seemed really happy today. I don't know why, but I'm glad to see him smiling so much now.

Oken's asleep on my bed again. KAWAI!!

I need to get going. Me and my friends are going to the store with Megumi's mom.

Sayonara.>

dude...i could never wait that long...i'd find a translater book or something online...but, i'm sort of impatient.

The style is great and changes as she gets older...it's pretty good! I can't wait for the next chapter...

Keep on going!

Yup, nice to read you ^^
(And no I didn't manage to reach 100 posts for my first year here... )

But wait... in the comic, she couldn't understand the least bit of English that Largo and Piro are saying...

Oh well... I guess it's that deal with forgetting everything that you learn because of not touching it for so long...

Great job so far!

You'll forgive me, but if I were to answer those two "questions" of your's that would take away the point making suspence. But don't worry, I can only hold suspence for so long. And if you're wondering when I'm going to get to current MT, I'm afraid I can't say, cause even I don't know.

I'm sorry, but I just can't put something down right now. I guess this is what you might call a DMD. Don't worry, that is if anyone is worried about me not putting something up. I'll have one posted tomorrow, and it'll be at least three long entries.

And if you have anything you like me to mix in with the entries, tell me, and I'll see what I can do.

By the way, I'm kinda sesetive about my writing, so please be totally honest here, I don't like being told it's alright or something. If I'm messing up, TELL ME.


Thanks.

-Muck

But I am being serious, Kimiko is educated in the school system. And from what I know, Kimiko cannot understand English in the slightest bit.

Since you already put down that she is attending English classes, you could do one of two things:

A. Have her quit taking the English classes because they are too hard and probably regret that later

-or-

B. Forget everything that she learned during those years of taking English sometime after she finishes off her courses.

This post has been edited by MadDoctorD on Jan 7 2005, 03:39 PM

-or-

C. what she learned from the envelope was too traumatizing for her to continue her classes.

For future reference, it's "Miya, Megumi and I." I felt a deep searing pain in my grammar sense every time I read "Me, Miya and Megumi." If you're going to make fanfiction, try to keep proper grammar.

That was my first reaction, as well. However, this is supposed to be written by an eleven year old child, so it's perfectly understandable for there to be grammar mistakes, especially ones as common as that one.

Methinks that it was done purposely for the sake of the feel of actually having it seem like a real person was writing in the journal.

Read the story. Twelve years old. As in, old enough to have proper grammar beaten into her head. I made those kind of mistakes when I was six. I could understand while she was still ten, but at around twelve, she should have gone through enough Japanese classes to have proper grammar beaten into her head.

Sometimes you can still be surprised how young can sux when it comes to their native language. But you're probably right as we're not speaking of the same generation (I don't Kimiko has been influenced by the sms-style mode...)

"... and I" is a rule for English. Kimiko speaks Japanese.

One thing that concerns me a lot is that use of "Sayonara" almost every time... It's like she's gonna leave this diary or commit a suicide! It's the same as to write "Goodbye"...
Why not "ja mata!' or something like that...?

This post has been edited by Screamer on Jan 8 2005, 12:46 AM

I know that. In fact, I'd say that's all the more reason for it to be correct, since there is no equivalent to the mistake in Japanese.

I'm just saying there are better ways of expressing youth than grammatical errors. Word choice plays a key role, for the most part.