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> The Promise Of Poetry, Untitled and The Queen of Spade
Miho Tohya
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 01:49 PM
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After some serious contemplation, I have decide to post a few poems I have been working on. Since Christmas is coming up, I thought it would be nice to bestow upon this forum actual poetry. However, I have had my reservations since there are those among you who are not deserving of such a Christmas present. Obviously I have decided to post them regardless of the trolls who stroll across these forums seeking power and ego.

Critiques will be greatly appreciated. My mastery of the English language and its grammatics are not as great as you may assume.

Before I present my poetry, I must pose a warning: Don't join a game you don't want to play.

Merry Christmas. -smile-




Untitled

Don't look at me with your callous eyes
Everday I have basked in the solace of lies

I resolve myself to a melancholy hollow
Where I dare not lead yet many still follow

I kneel on cold stone sacred and solemn
Mourning not for the fallen

Perhaps I am the fiend to blame
For inserting my yen into this precarious game

And all the tears that I cry
Won't erase the lie

Of my existance in this place
The truth can be hidden but it cannot be erased

Be things as they may
I still can't seem to get away

And the darkness may consume me
But it still will be you who cannot see

Beyond the boundaries of reality
What you perceive can never be

This is how I waste away my days
Entangled and insnared in my mischievous ways

Overseeing the ensuing chaos from above
I am she who is hated and cannot be loved

Why do I heedlessly play this game
Win or lose the result is still the same

Clinging desperately to what is not there
Until I fade away, dissolving into air



The Queen of Spade

Through the masses I did wade;
One approached and he did bade,
"Join me in a charade,"
But I was already involved in a facade
And thus the game could not be played.

I once thought of performing a serenade.
In lieu of wine I'd use lemonade.
However, the wooed would not be swayed
For I am just another undying shade.
For such a crime my life should be paid.

I do not regret the choices I have made.
It's old fashioned to call me an old maid.
I care not of trival things as getting laid
Or the melancholy upon me lade.

I once found myself in a zombie parade
Or perhaps it was a raver raid.
Whatever it was, the permit was okayed.
Soon the nurses arrived to give aid
And into the shadows I did fade.

Often I wonder if this game will become a jade
Like a caged canary resting helplessly upon the hade.
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codepoetica
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 02:20 PM
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The mind-altering singsongage seems choppy in places, not quite following the innocent-child paradigm. I'll presume it's intentional.
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paolo_adamo
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 06:03 PM
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great poems! They flow very well, make you feel the imagery inside your head!

You should put this in the Creative Writing forum, though!
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Chun
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 06:12 PM
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QUOTE (paolo_adamo @ Dec 6 2004, 06:03 PM)
You should put this in the Creative Writing forum, though!

The Darkly Cute One need not move from her place.

Remarkable.

At once a tear flies
Single memories of pain
Let thy world know it
Encircling its true lies
Until one is born again.

*bows quietly out, slowly turning his head backwards

Have a Merry Christmas... Tohya-san.

~Chun

This post has been edited by Chun on Dec 6 2004, 06:49 PM
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NightStrife
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 06:17 PM
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Interesting contributions. The rhythm goes off occasionally, but that's just something I don't particularly care for. It's also understandable given the ambitious rhyming scheme you used in the second.

Still, games need more than one player, don't they?


The King of Sword

In the raves a gath'ring horde,
In their minds their Queen adored,
Slowly growing bored.
The Queen Reversed has underscored
The list of ones that they abhorred.

In the deep she sings a chord,
In the dark the minions roared,
Eager for reward.
And with a wave she points them t'ward
The pristine law and pure fjord.

O'er the lies the King does ford,
O'er the slander he has soared,
Keeping free his ward.
The howling winds no longer stored
Bring logic of their own accord.

Though detached the law's implored,
Though impaled a hit is scored,
Rationale restored.
A mirror makes the Queen deplored
And cruelty her sole award.

The Queen of Loneliness still lord,
But only of deceit ignored.


Merry Christmas, Tohya-san happy.gif

[edit: Ack! Thanks, themadwordsmith, I caught that (and 'detatched' too), but must have forgotten to fix the version here before I posted. I would have missed the edit time if you hadn't pointed it out.]

This post has been edited by NightStrife on Dec 6 2004, 08:48 PM
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ryudo8765
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 06:33 PM
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my thanks oh darkly cute one. Great poems, you had me freestyling them as I read them. And that is something that does not happen all that often. May her dark majesty someday make all know her darkly cute power!

Also merry christmas Tohya-san

This post has been edited by ryudo8765 on Dec 6 2004, 06:33 PM
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TheGreatHibiki
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 07:25 PM
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QUOTE (Chun @ Dec 6 2004, 06:12 PM)
Have a Merry Christmas... Tohya-san.

Agreed. Merry Christmas!

There are a few rough spots. I like them none the same. You have a gift, Tohya, that you do...

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themadwordsmith
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 08:16 PM
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Altogether, they're fairly decent. I think the rhyme scheme in "Queen of Spade" is altogether too...what's the word...ostentatious. Mayhaps "Queen of Club" would be better. I see a rave tie-in there somewhere.

Please note that "Facade" does not rhyme with "Spade", but with "Cod". Given your ESL background, however, this error is understandable.

The rhythm of "Untitled", however, leaves much to be desired. Coming from the race that developed haiku, you'd think you'd be able to count syllables.
Sorry if that seems a bit over the top.

And as for your little game...Well, they don't call me the mad wordsmith for nothing...
I present to you...Queen of Club. (come on, you didn't expect me to propose an idea and just leave it, did you?) I'm going to forgo my usual keen metric stylings and go for straight oddity here, since that's what the theme seems to be.
Bear with me.
I refuse to use "Rub-a-dub-dub, three raves in a club" because the nursery rhyme thread happened before I got here.
---------------------------
Queen of Club

She crooned out a tune from the hub of the club
Some Japanese song that would never be subbed
By a fan with a plan and the lyrics to dub
That song that she sang from the hub of the club

As the disc jockey's vinyl spun slow on its nub
His scratching like that of a dying bear cub
I heard the bass echoes from down in the pub
Like the hoarse voice of my old friend Beelzebub

As I nursed my soda and heard bodies rub
And bounce to the music's irritating thrub
I picked up a fork, and finished my grub
And picked up my crossbow, and entered the club

I walked in to the din and saw the hubbub
Original poetry, not in C-Dub?
And while the forumites announcÚd their "wub"
I stood there and gave the match head a good rub
---------------------------------
Ask for a lame rhyme scheme, get a lame poem. Still, I'd say that turned out rather well. I'll do better next time, rest assured.
With regard to the whole "CW or SD" argument, I'll ask the mods to leave this one alone. Things will get more interesting if it stays here.
Everybody needs a merry Christmas. Especially forumites.

The game is on, milady. Your move.
-The Mad Wordsmith
"Did I miss something here?"

EDIT: Typos seen so far in this thread include "existance" (existence), "insnared" (ensnared), and "lonliness" (loneliness). I thought there were more, but Ms. Miho's vocabulary is rather scary. Even to me. And I probably shouldn't point these out, but I always do. And props to NightStrife for using the word "fjord".

This post has been edited by themadwordsmith on Dec 6 2004, 08:24 PM
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BaLRoG
Posted: Dec 6 2004, 09:53 PM
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hmmm... very interesting. i like all the poetry all the people have put, if i had not only just woken up i might try my hand at it, but i wont. biggrin.gif

I concur

Merry Christmas Tohya-san wub.gif happy.gif
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JRandomLurker
Posted: Dec 8 2004, 06:15 AM
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I've always wanted to play in one of these threads. If you don't mind? ...Merry Christmas, Tohya-san.

"Patch me up" she says
and grabs the volume knob
"I'm dying yet again
without the bassline's throb
to be my beating heart
to move my rusted bone
and with melody for memories
I'll never be alone"

This post has been edited by JRandomLurker on Dec 8 2004, 06:29 AM
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Anthony Kane
Posted: Dec 8 2004, 07:49 AM
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Hey!!!

Greatings Mistress Miho! It's been a while.

Excellent work. Its nice to see of the few times you do grace us with your presence that you have something worth reading happy.gif

Thank you for the gift

It's greatly appreciated

-Anthony Kane-
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Silent_Rogue
Posted: Dec 8 2004, 11:54 AM
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In a time of mourning, bring forth the melody
In the time thereafter, come sing for serenity
In a time to perish, the demons lick their whips
In the time distorted, existence falls apart.

For the children smi'ling, bestow upon them toys
For the pure white hearts, may heaven bring them joys
For the cheerful laughter, the air is made more sweet
But for the days approaching, it is by a broken heart.

The sad smiles now appear, siding every street
Not a soul will laugh, all eyes upon their feet
And now as it becomes us, the twilight seems to say
"Now the dark approaches, and none shall have their way"

And so I say...

Never lift your faces, the wind will slap you down.
Never give to hope, for hope can naught but drown.
Never wish to love, for love will shatter and break.
And so it is to darkness, the only which I partake.
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Silent_Rogue
Posted: Dec 8 2004, 11:50 PM
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Aw... c'mon...

I, for one, am sorely disappointed that none else have added, or at least ripped apart my piece.
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Chun
Posted: Dec 8 2004, 11:55 PM
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Hiding behind a blanket white glade,
A dark goddess rises from her shade,
Her face unseen by many men,
Those who gaze fall again,
For the aura of truth lies in separate hearts,
And even the smallest flower deserves its start.
Those that worship, those that tell,
Fear and Anxiety she must quell,
The darkness left as a flurry of white light,
To last until she whispers good night.

~Chun
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Silent_Rogue
Posted: Dec 8 2004, 11:58 PM
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Yay! More peoples!!! ^_^

Will add another later when I'm not-tired.
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Chun
Posted: Dec 9 2004, 12:02 AM
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QUOTE (Silent_Rogue @ Dec 8 2004, 11:58 PM)
Yay! More peoples!!! happy.gif

Will add another later when I'm not-tired.

I made that completely off the top of my head because you seemed discontented tongue.gif.

~Chun
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Miho Tohya
Posted: Dec 15 2004, 06:26 PM
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themadwordsmith - Well I wasn't focusing too much on rhyme and pentameter for my first poem. I decide to simply let it flow from the crevices of my fictional soul.

As for everyone who has posted poetry, your works are equally admired by me. I'm partial towards NightStrifes poem, but then again, I have always been partial towards the works of my most devoted fans.

Alas, I fear that I have become a bit too egotistical as of late. I really should ask if I can regain my posting privalages again, but I suppose this is where I am needed. I shouldn't complain. -wink- I enjoy my work here.


This is all that today will be said
By the school girl with the purple head.


This post has been edited by Miho Tohya on Dec 15 2004, 06:27 PM
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TheBigN
Posted: Dec 16 2004, 09:15 AM
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QUOTE (Miho Tohya @ Dec 15 2004, 07:26 PM)
Alas, I fear that I have become a bit too egotistical as of late. I really should ask if I can regain my posting privalages again, but I suppose this is where I am needed. I shouldn't complain. -wink- I enjoy my work here.

Meh... It doesn't really matter unless the trend continues. Then it becomes even more of a big deal.

At the moment though, all of the poems are enjoyable, and I hope to see more. Forgive the fact that I don't have poetry to write at the moment, and probably wouldn't be able to rip out a piece before I go on winter break tonight. sleep.gif
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Hairless in Gaza
Posted: Dec 17 2004, 11:28 AM
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Hey, waidaminnit... "Queen of Spade"? What happened to the other cards in the suit? If there's only one spade in the deck, no-one could draw a spade flush -- now what kinda poker game would that be?!

The Queen of "Spade" after "The Queen of Hearts"

The Queen of "Spade"
Hath been betrayed!
Her minions hath deserted!

The Knave of Hearts
(A loathesome fart
And thoroughly perverted),

Hath quit the Court!
A crown of sorts
From dough he hath invented:

As "King o' Tarts"
He ruleth hearts,
And ruleth well-contented.

(Apologies to Mother Goose)

The Queen of Hearts

The Queen of Hearts,
She made some tarts
All on a summer's day.

The Knave of Hearts,
He stole the tarts
And took them clean away.

The King of Hearts,
Called for the tarts
And beat the Knave full sore.

The Knave of Hearts,
Brought back the tarts
And vowed he'd steal no more.


This post has been edited by Hairless in Gaza on Dec 17 2004, 11:37 AM
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WyndhamHeart
Posted: Dec 17 2004, 04:04 PM
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Alpicola is prettiful <3
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blink.gif wooh... THAT is SOOO good!!! omg! I wish i could make poems like that! i particarlly loved Silent_Rogue's... I wish i could write poetry, make fanfiction, or draw, i feel so uncreative! All you people rock!

Happy Holidays!
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