[disc/recruit] Scavenger Plains, The world of Incuria awaits...

My... someone's going to get devoured by beetles...

The [story] thread is now up. Yay.

After all these demands to get the story started, there had better be some good RPing done!

Enjoy!

Name:Jack Rosado
Age:24
Sex:Male
Birthplace:Storm Oasis
Scavenger Class:Sider
Weapon:Red Sword (claymore)
Talents:Has exceptional sight (Better than most humans), skilled talker
Physical Description:Black hair, white button down cotton shirt, black cotton pants, coarse skin courtesy of growing up in storm oasis, 5'11'', weight: 170, sword sheath on back, and black cowboy hat.
History: Jack was born in Storm Oasis where he lived until he was 17 years old. When he turned 17 he went out and got his own house, and job. He worked at a restraunt that was owned by a mob boss. When the Boss took notice of Jack's smooth talking he offered him a huge salary to pursuade people to buy "protection" from his boss. One day Jack's boss was out of hitmen and told Jack to whack this one guy who was running late with the protection fee. When Jack arrived at the adress he opend the door and noticed it was his brother's house. He would have told his boss the job was done and told his brother to go into hiding but three of his boss' chronies were behind him. He drew his sword pretending to look for his brother, but insted attacked them. His sword decapitated two of the goons. Then whirled on the final one and stabbed him in the chest, and left the house. When he arrived at the restraunt he saw the third goon that he stabbed in the chest at the door walking in, he apparently missed his heart. Jack ran from the restraunt to the edge of town and hotwired a nearby sandstreamer and rode it all the way to Outpost oasis. When Jack reached the outskirts of the town the Sand streamer overheated and died. He is now 24 and currently has an appartment near the "7th Oasis".

Lol I was just jking

blue_flame:

I feel slightly reluctant to approve a profile that has the phrase "whack this one guy" and implies that you can easily survive a sword being impaled in your body as long as it doesn't touch your heart.

I'm also extremely uncomfortable with the idea of "mobs" or any kind of mafia in Incuria. Understand that crime is not a big presence in Incuria: there are Scavenger gangs and petty crime but nothing as big and destructive as you described.

I would like you to consider the following things:

- His history. If you need him to be part of a crime ring that he escaped from, work within the context of the story and have him be a former member of a Scavenger gang.

- His talents. He has exceptional sight. Natural born ability, or is there a reason behind it? I don't know, because you haven't explained it.

- His personality. Everyone else has included a little bit of detail regarding the personality and motivations behind their character. You need to do that for your character. Flesh him out more. Make him more human. Give him a reason to be doing what he's doing. At the moment, he's unfortunatly generic.

- Your overall effort when writing. The profile is supposed to set an example of your ability. Your spelling is average, with a few mis-spelled words here and there, but your grammar lets you down. Sentences such as

display a rushed, careless approach to the presentation of your writing. If you read your profile out loud even once, you would notice the problems. Take some pride in your work. Read it over. Don't throw out the first thing that you type.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being harsh, but even if this profile didn't have the inclusion of the mafia, I would still have a problem with it.

To me, it doesn't say that you have the attitude to produce good, quality story entries. And without having pride in the presentation and quality of your work, I can't let you join this RP game. You might disagree with me, but as the GM I have the final word.

New players can join the story at any time, so don't worry about being left behind. When you submit a profile that shows that you're willing to put effort into this RP game, then I'll approve it.

This post has been edited by Andrew I on Jun 16 2004, 04:37 PM

Can I have a glaive instead of a sword? Its a cooler weapon but would take less ore to make. (steel staff with curved blade on the end.)

Sure, no problem. Custom weapons are fine as long as they are made of Red Ore, start at rank level 0 and conform to your Scavenger Class.

Name: Darkuwa
Age: 17
Sex: Male
Birthplace: storm Oasis
Scavenger Class: Striker
Weapon: Nanuvil (Red Glaive)
Talents: Weak joints (Can bring hands over head while handcuffed.) Extremly good ears.

Physical Description: 6' 4" Lean yet muscular. Green eyes. Shoulderlegnth braids. Skin about the color of hardwood. Wears a white trenchcoat over a black teeshirt and blue jeans. Angular face.
History: An orphan his parents were lost in a sandstorm when he was 10. He was sent to live with his uncle in Rail oasis. His uncle was a rail driver and he whent with him on all his rounds. He got in a fight with him and got off at outpost oasis.

Last question - how common would martial arts be in Incuria, anyway? A little known by a lot of people? Some used by a fair few fighting types? Or more "What the hell was that?!?"

[/SAMU]

My post was long, and in it I established alot of my grand plan (there's no grand plan). If it doesn't work for anyone, let me know.

[/SAMU]

To wapa:

O.o In your description of the ant lion...kangaroos. Kangaroos don't live in deserts. They live in large plains, surrounds with dried trees and shrublife. Not large, sandy deserts, where their feet would just sink into the sand.

My post isn't in the Outpost...but that's only because I probably won't be able to post for a couple of days. She'll be there in a while...

[editus maximus]

...Whoops. Wrong sort of deserts, sorry. National pride snuck up on me...

Editing now...

This post has been edited by wapa on Jun 16 2004, 07:04 PM

Finished!!

Name: Koto

Age: 18

Sex: Male

Birthplace: Pillar Oasis

Scavenger Class: Striker

Weapon: Wicked Flamberg Baeou (Red sword)

Talents: Fast, Stealthy

Physical Description: Short silver hair and aquamarine eyes. Wears a white tunic, white gloves, white leather boots and a brown leather belt. He is 5' 11

History: He was born in the Pillar Oasis. One day, he was out looking for Ore because he had nothing else to do. On his way back, he was trapped by a dust devil. When the dust devil went away, he came home to find his parents gone and everthing a mess. He found a little note in the middle of the floor. "If you want to see your parents alive, you must return to this spot with 5000 grams of Ore. You have 102 moons to get it. Meet at the Shadow Oasis at the end of the 102 moons." He now looks for Ore for his parents.


Awwww man! Now that I look....oh well. Is it too late to make my weapon a halberd?

This post has been edited by God_of_Death on Jun 16 2004, 11:06 PM

[/SAMU]

I'm guessing there's a mountain range near Pillar Oasis, that's wear I'll be headed in my next post. Mountains are kinda his "territory" among his brothers.

[/SAMU]

This post has been edited by IHateMyLittleBrother on Jun 17 2004, 06:22 AM

newbie here never done an rp so please don't yell at me to much. but this sounds like a pretty good story. anyway here's my charater discription

Name-Chaos Essetial

Age-unknown looks around 16

Sex-male

Birthplace-unknown wakes up in Outpost Oasis

Scavenger class-sider

Weapon-a four shot pistol with a two foot long barrel, because of its size he calls it the Bismarck lv0 upgradable

Talents-farely good mech, a style of martial arts

Physical decription-silent ecpressioanless kid who only talks if neccerary. long spikey silver hair. wears a mask that completely covers his face eyes are the only thing visible. wears a long black trench with a silver dragon insignia on the back. heavy steel toed hiking boots.

History-unknown, the only thing he knows. Is he woke up in Outpost oasis holding his gun and a locket with a picture a beutiful girl with the name Sakura ingraved on the back. He is trying to find out about his past amd who the girl in the locket is.

If something dosen't work with my charater just tell me and I'll change It.

Darkuwa: your profile's fine.

God_of_Death: It's okay to make your sword into a Halberd. Ore is just measured in pieces or spheres depending on whether it's unrefined or refined- not grams. I'm assuming that 102 moons is equal to 102 days. How long does he have to go, and how close is he to completion?

IHateMyLittleBrother: Sure, you can go to a mountain range there.

z.t-enna: Firstly- hello, and welcome to the RP Forum.

Sorry, but I'm going to have to refer you to the advice that I gave blue_flame a few posts ago. I don't expect everyone to be perfect, but I expect some level of effort to be put into your posts. It's littered with spelling mistakes, and just looks like one big rush job.

My advice: Slow down. You are capable of better. To quote what I told blue_flame:

Now regarding the contents of your profile: with the above in mind I'm actually afraid to let you submit a character with so many unknown details. If you had shown that you were a responsible writer (which has nothing to do with your status as a new member) then I might have accepted it. Amensia characters are often quite generic but have the potential to be extremely interesting and original given a skilled writer. However, I fear that you've merely skimmed over the rules and guidelines (not just in the first post, but in the entire thread) and will go on to cause chaos within the game. It doesn't matter if you really have read all the guidelines: sadly, that is the impression I recieved from your profile post.

Your four-shot pistol is also extremely rare. Most pistols only have one shot. Only the rarer pistols have two shots. I would be willing to allow you a four-shot pistol, except you've ruptured your reputation with your below-average profile.

You're still welcome to join the game. However, I require the following things:

- Your pistol can only hold one shot at a time.
- If you still insist on the amnesia storyline, I would like you to PM me a rough guide to where his character is going, including the background information that you've omitted.
- Add an explanation as to how he got the name "Chaos Essetial"
- You must clean up your profile and show that you're willing to put some effort into this RP game.

Do all these things, submit your revised profile, and once I approve it, you can enter the game.

[/SAMU]

To follow up, I think this RP thread is more serious than others. To back this up, I would like to note I spent an hour and a half writing my first post. If you find it the least bit overwhelming, and I imagine you do as this'll be your first RP, it may be wiser to choose a more entry-level game. We in no way mean to reject you, but a certain level of writing skill is required to RP. If you have this skill, the character you PM Andrew I will be original and exceptional. If not, it'll be crap. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.

[/SAMU]

This post has been edited by IHateMyLittleBrother on Jun 17 2004, 10:31 AM

First off I would like to apoligize to everyone for that horrible charater description I did. I didn't read it before I posted It and after I posted it. I cursed myself for being the the stupid fool that I am. Samu if you were talking to me thanks for the advice. God knows I probaly need it. I've never done an rp so if you all are getting annoyed with me what do recommend I do. So one last time. Then I'll leave everyone alone. Here's my charater desription. I'm not quite sure how to pm so can someone please explain.

Name-Blank (I changed it)

Age-unknown looks around 16

Sex-Male

Birthplace-unknown woke up in Outpost Oasis wounded

Scavenger Class-Sider

Weapon-a single shot pistol with a two foot long barrel, because of its size Its been named the Bismarck.

Talents-farely good mech, lightning fast speed.

Physical Desription-A silent expressionless kid who talks only when he has to. Has long spikey silver hair with dead grey eyes. He's somewhere aroun 5' 8. Has a mask that comepletely covers his face his eyes being the only facial feature showing. Wears a long black trench coat with a thin blackbelt holstering his gun along with heavy steel toed hiking boots.

History-Unknown the only thing he can remember is waking up in Outpost Oasis. Wounded and clutching his gun along with a pendant that held the picture of a beutiful girl with the name Sakura ingraved on the back. He became a Scavenger thinking that he could find clues about his past while he wondered the wastlands.

p.s-if you want me to go away I will

Ok time for some more nit-picking before I do my first post...

Credits ;D

Whats the money system? Are there banks? What color has the highest value in credits? I read your post and you gave that one guy 5 yellow ore coins and you said '500 Credits' so I'm assuming those are 100 credits each.

Also is there a limit of money that we can have in the start? I mean my character is a mechanic that helped out the old geezer till he was kicked out by him so he must have bit saved up.

[/SAMU]

Sure no prob man, I was talking to you, and understand I was there not so long ago myself, so were all of us (yes all of us, nobody try to hide it). One of the two options available in the bottom border/bar thing on each person's post is a thing of a girl and a guy communing. It says PM next to it. PM stands for Personal Message. This is a way of communicating, similiar to e-mail, with other forumites without other people knowing what you're saying. If you want to pour your heart out to some chick, do it on PM. If you want to continue an argument that doesn't belong on a thread, do it on PM. If you want to advertise for some site (site-pimping), do it on PM, even though Char'll probably temp-ban you for that anyway. We don't want you to go away. We want to educate you so you never, ever do something like that again. Enjoy RPing. Aside from Piro's corner it's the only decent forum here. Also, don't go to the Parties System. At all. There's a reason why I'm using my sister's account (Cym...I hate you) .

[/SAMU]

IHateMyLittleBrother: So...Cym is to blame? *writes "Cymbaline" on a peice of paper, right under "Bush" and "Romero"*

He has 102 days and...wait hold on. How much does a fist sized ball of Ore weigh?

Just curious, do you know what a halberd is?

Okay, 5000 pieces

[EDIT]
Crap, 5000 seems too much. Hmmm...500 pieces. Bwahahahahahahaha!
[/EDIT]

This post has been edited by God_of_Death on Jun 18 2004, 06:27 AM

In case anyone was wondering, just because Rin can remember all those lessons doesn't mean she's always good at applying them...

Oh, and Samu-

Come out, come out wherever you are...

[/SAMU]

I havn't read the story posts yet but I'm looking forward to. Hehe.

Oh, another thing. I should've pointed this out sooner, it's my fault, I'm sorry. When I thought "sword" I thought of "Sabre". The fencing kind. Samu's swordsmanship is that of traditional Sabre-style fencing. For those who don't know, a sabre is somewhat like the swords used by fuedal Japanese mercenaries, except ya use it like a foil (four-sided tipped flexible sword). Don't eat me.

[/SAMU]

When I think 'sabre' I think Confederate or Union officers. Less curved than the scimitar, straight blade with a little back-curve at last 4-6 inches of the tip.

And yes, it's quite good for fencing.

...Who else has one?

This: