Megatokyo Forums -> [songfic] Ghost Story

I watch the western sky
The sun is sinking
The geese are flying south
It sets me thinking

It's been at least ten years now, since I left Megatokyo. I've gone everywhere in the world, traveling aimlessly from place to place. Still, there is something about the sunsets here that made me stay. The scenery is so utterly different from Megatokyo, but the colors are the same somehow. I have never found another place with these colors...

I did not miss you much
I did not suffer
What did not kill me
Just made me tougher

That is what I had always thought: whatever I live through will only make me stronger, make me tougher. Oh, how foolish I was back then. I was so convinced I needed no one to survive. I had no use for sentimental feelings and such displays were weaknesses in myself. They had to be, since they were the same emotions I used to manipulate others. It took me years to realize how wrong I was.

I feel the winter come
His icy sinews
Now in the firelight
The case continues
Another night in court
The same old trial
The same old questions asked
The same denial

And the sun makes her final decent in one last display of grand color. I stay out to watch the dying light longer than I should. It's getting cold and there's a fire waiting for me inside. While the fire wards of the chill, it doesn't protect me from the shadows, from my own thoughts. I stare into the fire, trying to ignore the shadows that play on the edge of my vision. Finally though, they draw me out of my reverie...

The shadows close me round like jury members
I look for answers in the fire's embers
What was I missing then? That whole December?
I give my usual lie: I don't remember.

I can almost see their faces in the shadows. Almost. Largo is there, Piro as well. So many other nameless faces from the streets of Megatokyo stare back at me, all of their looks disapproving. I don't care. They are just shadows, they can't touch me. They are just ghosts, they aren't real... As I turn to gaze back into the fire, one shadow changes suddenly...and there she is, smiling as sweetly as always: Ping.

Another winter comes
His icy fingers creep
Into these bones of mine
These memories never sleep

"<Oh, Ping. You haven't changed a bit, you are exactly as I remember.>"

I catch myself then as realization hits me. Of course she is exactly the same as I remembered; she's just a memory. That's all she is now, shadows and my own haunted memories. The fact that she's been gone for ten years now doesn't mean anything. For a moment, she was alive again, and I lost her all over again. The pain is still there, I don't think I ever let it heal... And, so for the next hour or so, I let my grief out, in my solitude where no one but the shadows can see me.

And all these differences
I cloak, I borrow,
We kept our distances
Why should it follow?

We had been so irrevocably different, that's why I had stopped things before they could ever start. I was a human girl, she was a playstation accessory. I told myself back then that nothing good would ever be able to come of it. I think, for a while, I actually believed that...

I must have loved you...

But, just because you tell yourself not to feel something, doesn't mean you can actually control your emotions. I learned that the hard way. My brain told me I didn't, couldn't care about her. My heart, though, told me differently. Slowly, so slowly, we became friends. She was my first true friend...She has this uncanny ability to understand me in ways no one else could. I reasoned it was just excellent programming on her part, but my feelings told me it was because she really cared about me. No one had before...

And so, out of that friendship grew something else. Love. I loved her, truly loved her. When I realized this, it scared me, shook me to the core. That's why I ran and kept running. I couldn't love...especially not her...

What is the force that binds the stars?
I wore this mask to hide my scars
What is the power that pulls the tide?
I never could find a place to hide
What moves the earth around the sun?
What could I do but run and run and run...?
Afraid to love, afraid to fail
A mast without a sail

I was so afraid, so cowardly. I ran away from the only good thing I had ever found. I had always forced myself not to care about others as a means to protect myself and she tore my walls down without even realizing she had done it. There was nothing left to protect myself with, nowhere to hide from the emotions that refused to be ignored. So I ran...I had nowhere to hide in Megatokyo, so I would find somewhere else, somewhere far away, somewhere I could be safe again...

The moon's a fingernail and slowly sinking
Another day begins and now I'm thinking
That this indifference was my invention
When everything I did sought your attention

And, that's what lead me here, to a lonely cabin in the backwoods. I'm miles from my nearest neighbor. Alone, utterly alone. At least, that's what I had thought. The shadows didn't appear at first, but slowly, they crept in. With them came the realization I had never escaped. When I had finally admitted this to myself, a vague hope grew within me. A hope that is the only thing keeping me alive now.

You were my compass star
You were my measure
You were a pirate's map of buried treasure

It's foolish, I know that. But, I was incredibly foolish in my past and lost something dearer to me than my own life. I can afford to be foolish again since I have nothing left to lose. Because, maybe, just maybe she's still out there, looking for me. That's why I haven't left the cabin in years. If I move, she might come here right after I leave. I can't afford to move around again...It'd only waste more time...

I've already wasted so much.

If this was all correct
The last thing I'd expect
The prosecution rests
It's time that I confessed

Morning is already streaming in through the windows. For once though, I don't want it to come. I used to cherish the dawn because it would banish the shadows for another day. But...today, I am lonely, and the shadows are all I have. Slowly, each of them fade, the faces of my past all return to my memories for another day...

One remains though. She's always the last to go. I can't help but smile as we get to share the dawn. Just the two of us. I turn my back to the daylight and stare at her face, locking it forever in my heart. I can almost touch her as she fades away...

I must have loved you...

"<I love you, Ping.>"

Aisling	Posted: Jul 28 2003, 11:03 PM
Member Group: -Members- Posts: 55 Member No.: 13831 Joined: 25-April 03	Ghost Story by Sting I watch the western sky The sun is sinking The geese are flying south It sets me thinking It's been at least ten years now, since I left Megatokyo. I've gone everywhere in the world, traveling aimlessly from place to place. Still, there is something about the sunsets here that made me stay. The scenery is so utterly different from Megatokyo, but the colors are the same somehow. I have never found another place with these colors... I did not miss you much I did not suffer What did not kill me Just made me tougher That is what I had always thought: whatever I live through will only make me stronger, make me tougher. Oh, how foolish I was back then. I was so convinced I needed no one to survive. I had no use for sentimental feelings and such displays were weaknesses in myself. They had to be, since they were the same emotions I used to manipulate others. It took me years to realize how wrong I was. I feel the winter come His icy sinews Now in the firelight The case continues Another night in court The same old trial The same old questions asked The same denial And the sun makes her final decent in one last display of grand color. I stay out to watch the dying light longer than I should. It's getting cold and there's a fire waiting for me inside. While the fire wards of the chill, it doesn't protect me from the shadows, from my own thoughts. I stare into the fire, trying to ignore the shadows that play on the edge of my vision. Finally though, they draw me out of my reverie... The shadows close me round like jury members I look for answers in the fire's embers What was I missing then? That whole December? I give my usual lie: I don't remember. I can almost see their faces in the shadows. Almost. Largo is there, Piro as well. So many other nameless faces from the streets of Megatokyo stare back at me, all of their looks disapproving. I don't care. They are just shadows, they can't touch me. They are just ghosts, they aren't real... As I turn to gaze back into the fire, one shadow changes suddenly...and there she is, smiling as sweetly as always: Ping. Another winter comes His icy fingers creep Into these bones of mine These memories never sleep "<Oh, Ping. You haven't changed a bit, you are exactly as I remember.>" I catch myself then as realization hits me. Of course she is exactly the same as I remembered; she's just a memory. That's all she is now, shadows and my own haunted memories. The fact that she's been gone for ten years now doesn't mean anything. For a moment, she was alive again, and I lost her all over again. The pain is still there, I don't think I ever let it heal... And, so for the next hour or so, I let my grief out, in my solitude where no one but the shadows can see me. And all these differences I cloak, I borrow, We kept our distances Why should it follow? We had been so irrevocably different, that's why I had stopped things before they could ever start. I was a human girl, she was a playstation accessory. I told myself back then that nothing good would ever be able to come of it. I think, for a while, I actually believed that... I must have loved you... But, just because you tell yourself not to feel something, doesn't mean you can actually control your emotions. I learned that the hard way. My brain told me I didn't, couldn't care about her. My heart, though, told me differently. Slowly, so slowly, we became friends. She was my first true friend...She has this uncanny ability to understand me in ways no one else could. I reasoned it was just excellent programming on her part, but my feelings told me it was because she really cared about me. No one had before... And so, out of that friendship grew something else. Love. I loved her, truly loved her. When I realized this, it scared me, shook me to the core. That's why I ran and kept running. I couldn't love...especially not her... What is the force that binds the stars? I wore this mask to hide my scars What is the power that pulls the tide? I never could find a place to hide What moves the earth around the sun? What could I do but run and run and run...? Afraid to love, afraid to fail A mast without a sail I was so afraid, so cowardly. I ran away from the only good thing I had ever found. I had always forced myself not to care about others as a means to protect myself and she tore my walls down without even realizing she had done it. There was nothing left to protect myself with, nowhere to hide from the emotions that refused to be ignored. So I ran...I had nowhere to hide in Megatokyo, so I would find somewhere else, somewhere far away, somewhere I could be safe again... The moon's a fingernail and slowly sinking Another day begins and now I'm thinking That this indifference was my invention When everything I did sought your attention And, that's what lead me here, to a lonely cabin in the backwoods. I'm miles from my nearest neighbor. Alone, utterly alone. At least, that's what I had thought. The shadows didn't appear at first, but slowly, they crept in. With them came the realization I had never escaped. When I had finally admitted this to myself, a vague hope grew within me. A hope that is the only thing keeping me alive now. You were my compass star You were my measure You were a pirate's map of buried treasure It's foolish, I know that. But, I was incredibly foolish in my past and lost something dearer to me than my own life. I can afford to be foolish again since I have nothing left to lose. Because, maybe, just maybe she's still out there, looking for me. That's why I haven't left the cabin in years. If I move, she might come here right after I leave. I can't afford to move around again...It'd only waste more time... I've already wasted so much. If this was all correct The last thing I'd expect The prosecution rests It's time that I confessed Morning is already streaming in through the windows. For once though, I don't want it to come. I used to cherish the dawn because it would banish the shadows for another day. But...today, I am lonely, and the shadows are all I have. Slowly, each of them fade, the faces of my past all return to my memories for another day... One remains though. She's always the last to go. I can't help but smile as we get to share the dawn. Just the two of us. I turn my back to the daylight and stare at her face, locking it forever in my heart. I can almost touch her as she fades away... I must have loved you... "<I love you, Ping.>"

Opt498	Posted: Jul 28 2003, 11:11 PM
l33t One Group: -Members- Posts: 2305 Member No.: 4928 Joined: 20-September 02	Wah... that's so sweet... Wah... this story rocks... Wah... Ping-sama... (Don't worry, I'm exaggerating the tears. Good work!)

4znh31r41z3r	Posted: Jul 28 2003, 11:37 PM
l33t One Group: -Members- Posts: 1073 Member No.: 16627 Joined: 15-July 03	I've never read anything that deep... It's so beautiful :`( [unfortunately, there's no smiley with a tear]... Are you saying this from your point of view, or a character in MT coughMihocough?

codepoetica	Posted: Jul 29 2003, 12:27 AM
l33t One Group: -Members- Posts: 1518 Member No.: 4198 Joined: 30-August 02	Aisling, you already know I love this. Talking to you while you were composing it simply floor'd me; it was an honour and pleasure to watch your though processes churn. I’m really glad to see it posted in its original unedited form. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Long story short: beautiful. Aisling: The song needs to be in grey. codepoetica: this is another one of those really good songs that would bite me in the arse one day, isn't it? codepoetica: i mean emotionally; Aisling: And it is the type of song I would never ever ever think to filk, song fic, perhaps, but never filk. Aisling: It is perfect the way it is. Aisling: And that song, Ghost Story, screams to be a Miho songfic for some reason.... codepoetica: i leave in your capable hands, codepoetica: i'm sure that you'll make me cry codepoetica: you have that tendency. Anything contained below is my opinion; no metasongfic'ing has transpired. If there are any among you who are lacking in the musical accompaniment, please, do not delay. The song by itself was enough to move me to tears, with only lyrics. Once I read the songfic, that only intensified. When conducted with a full auditory complement, it bloomed into such colour... The haunting background tune works so beautifully; the lyrics are a perfect complement. When they were first read, before the writing;; I love how the song is so slow, so that on the second+ read through you can quickly read the text while the music plays in the background. During the lyric, they complement each other so very well; so you have some subconscious thought process helping to blend the two. You paint such a wondrous environment, Ais; I can smell the chill on the air, hear that fire’s flicker; feel her heaving chest. The warmth of the morning sun against her face, then her back. The hairs on the neck, the weariness from lack of sleep, from living, the strength to carry on. Oi. Another night in court The same old trial And what a group to face with unending lies. How many nights were spent facing down these shadows of the past. How many years, “all of their looks disapproving.” All except for Ping, ever smiling. The heart clenching moment as the memory becomes alive again, and dies.. I give my usual lie: I don't remember. "<Oh, Ping. You haven't changed a bit, you are exactly as I remember.>" One of only two lines of actual dialog in this piece, this line comes across to me as a whisper’d though that rose unbidden. Despite her best efforts of burying the memories, they remain. The constant usage of light and shadows simply blew me away. The fire casts shadows about her, lurking at the fringes of sight. The morning sun, driving the shadow away with streaming beams. As she turns her back to the light, she faces the shadow; one she herself cast. You were my measure This playstation accessory; this NPC. This creature not designed to love. Yet, it was the first to care for the poor girl. By herself, she was nothing, incomplete. Yet this ‘bot seemed capable of emotion, of caring. And through that the girl might become whole again, might know and truly love. And yet she ran; ran for the hills, as it were. A direct contradiction to what she believed, she felt with the very core of her being. Love, for a machine; Love at all. How can such an abandon’d rejected soul find the compassion, find the emotions within herself, for love. How much easier it must have been for Ping, so pure of heart. For so long, she has remained hidden. “I've already wasted so much.” Said with resolution, she might stand with determination to find those memories again. And the memories sit back, a faint smile, a knowing look. The prosecution rests indeed. How many cycles passed with no resolution. Might they finally find peace. Might she? In the faint last words, lacking in history’s lies, pure and true; spoken clear; I love you, Ping

Integral	Posted: Jul 29 2003, 05:22 AM
Veteran Group: -Members- Posts: 510 Member No.: 10654 Joined: 3-February 03	wibbles It's so sad, and so beautiful. Poor Miho-sama. Your words really make Miho's emotions touchable, if that makes any sense. Her pain is so strong you can feel it. I thought the part about everyone's disapproving looks was quite appropriate, as well as Ping being the only one without a disapproving look. For that is how Miho's world is. Ping is the only one who is truly a friend to her. Those mean people! At any rate, you picked an excellent song for this fic. These lines jumped out at me as being particularly appropriate: What is the force that binds the stars? I wore this mask to hide my scars That, is Miho. The one who hides behind a mask of confidence and prowress, but is actually in deep pain beneath that mask. Oh, Miho-sama...

Hisui	Posted: Jul 29 2003, 07:41 AM
Why, Yomi? Why? Group: Active Members Posts: 4730 Member No.: 12633 Joined: 23-March 03	It's so sweet...

Sabyr	Posted: Jul 29 2003, 08:44 AM
True Believer Group: -Members- Posts: 2348 Member No.: 11578 Joined: 26-February 03	Beautiful, Aisling. Truly it is. Thank you for this. Sabyr ... under a blue sky ...

ph00tbag	Posted: Jul 29 2003, 01:16 PM
The ONE AND ONLY Group: Active Members Posts: 4225 Member No.: 4372 Joined: 3-September 02	This is beautiful, Aisling, and you're right to say that this song must not be altered in the form of a filk. It's not necessarily believable in terms of how the story will go, but I can definitely see these emotions coming from Miho Wonderful characterization.

Caduceuskun	Posted: Aug 3 2003, 08:22 PM
Senior l33t One Group: Active Members Posts: 3717 Member No.: 5191 Joined: 27-September 02	Freaking. Amazing. My perusal of this little piece of pure art was too long delayed by many factors, not the least of which is my own crappy memory. However, it definitely deserves a bump!