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|Megatokyo Forums > Story Discussions > Haiku:  The Question|
|Posted by: Reflaxion Apr 17 2002, 10:45 PM|
| Girl who wants to draw
Friends who say she wants a date
Woman who can hear
. . . I know, it stinks. But all that really came to mind was:
 Oh, and. . . first post! [/edit]
|Posted by: masamage Apr 17 2002, 11:22 PM|
Ice washes through me.
It's her. Please...don't be that girl...
Two eyes...no mistake...
I don't even know you... and
I didn't want to be right
Please...say that girl's not...
It's him. Ice washes through me.
How did I get here?
I don't even know you... and
I didn't want to be right
|Posted by: squee Apr 17 2002, 11:36 PM|
| Double jeopardy,
lose two chances in one scene?
|Posted by: Rowan Bristol Apr 18 2002, 12:05 AM|
| This is so awkward
You can't be here; can't want this
And now She'll hate me.
|Posted by: lonebountyhunter Apr 18 2002, 12:11 AM|
| and now for my non haiku responce:
Heart beat has stoped,
Pulse is no more,
Eye's loose their life,
A body hits the floor.
In mass confusion,
Four stand over head,
None know why,
Why poor Piro is dead.
Though not in life,
But in soul,
No more could take,
No more dice role.
A shadow now enter,
Not death but more feared,
She shakes in shame,
He is only to blame.
Here it ends,
And no more shall be,
An end to a dream,
The nightmare begins.
|Posted by: kezra_cor Apr 18 2002, 12:40 AM|
| Blushing, Yuki waits,
While Piro babbles, confused,
Edit: Masamage, lonebountyhunter - very nice work!
|Posted by: Goushiken Apr 18 2002, 06:30 AM|
| Yuki's shy request
Piro locked in confusion
Kimiko drifts in
|Posted by: wilgabriel Apr 18 2002, 09:35 PM|
| Hi Yuki .. Oh Crap
Kimiko might think Piro's
With Yuki and[/] Ping
|Posted by: XkyRauh2001 Apr 19 2002, 01:06 AM|
| Mami cuts the fog:
"The hell kind of question's that?"
My thoughts exactly!
blinds Piro's path of thinking
like light in darkness
about Yuki's bold question;
now more debate comes!
--Xky *waving Mami flag proudly*
|Posted by: JRandomLurker Apr 19 2002, 06:25 PM|
| "This wasn't a good
encounter to begin with.
But now? I'm doomed!"
|Posted by: P2K Apr 20 2002, 05:16 PM|
| What is in store next?
"Yes, I teach girls how to draw.
That's it. Nothing More."
White lie? Yes it is.
But things would go much nicer
for our friend piro.
Who wants to explain
robot friends on loan from friends?
Far to hard for me.
|Posted by: grasshopperKAT Apr 22 2002, 05:44 AM|
| This my second Haiku atempt .......be nice......
It's Yuki's question
teach me to draw.....
to form the images in my head...
show me your art.....
(shut up my nagging compainions)
I'm willing ......
Willing to pay......
Show me the way....
(who is she?)
( ' )sweatdrop
It's not as much a Haiku as it is a poem with no form........and it doesn't really rhyme.
|Posted by: lonebountyhunter Apr 23 2002, 12:41 AM|
|it matters not if it rhymes (though it does help). poetry is just words on paper that convay a message through alternite means (vs. stroy writing, music, video, drawings, ect.) as long as it is from the heart and it is apart of who you are, then it will be good. a gold star for your poem!|
|Posted by: Werawolf Apr 23 2002, 05:56 PM|
| non-haiku, but then again I forget how to do them anyway:
the eyes meet
he takes another glance and
wonders what to say
the other turns
and the girls see
what they themselves are feeling
and in the midst,
a Seraphim rushes
to save the pieces
|Posted by: GumbyNovice Apr 23 2002, 10:38 PM|
| I would just like to say that I think everyone who posted a poem or haiku did very nicely. And yes, poetry is what you want. However, a haiku is a specific form. The traditional haiku, as most know it, is verse with three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables that carries a serious/spiritual tone and relies on imagery (and sometimes are set in one of the four seasons). However, the modern haiku does not have to follow this format exactly. Perhaps the important thing in a haiku is presenting an image. Anyways, just thought it would be helpful to add this.
My eyes strain with shame
Choking on a catbox lump of fear
Dear God help me now
(I kind of felt that is what Piro was thinking on the second to last panel of the Apr 16 comic)
Here's an example of a nontraditional haiku written around 1760
The piercing chill I feel:
my dead wife's comb, in our bedroom,
under my heel...
By: Taniguchi Buson
you can feel the cold pricklyness of sadness in that one
Anyways, enjoy dreaming up more stuff, I can't wait to read more of everyone's work. ;-)
|Posted by: Garran Apr 23 2002, 10:41 PM|
| Seven syllables
Sandwiched between five and five
Are the haiku code
[aside]Although we certainly have nothing against other verse, it is probably preferrable to make '(verse)' threads than use the haiku thread; a few like this are okay, but if there are going to be a lot... ^^;;[/aside]
|Posted by: Shoka Apr 24 2002, 04:00 AM|
| Have you seen the young woman whose heart's in her eyes?
Her silence is mist and her words breathe like sighs.
She gropes toward a meaning that whispers away,
With the fog on the downs at the dawn of the day.
Have you seen the young man with his heart in his hand?
His fingers shape more than his mind understands.
Gray lines shade his pages with shadow and light,
You can see in his sketches he's drawing from Sight.
Have you seen the young girl with her heart in her throat?
Her courage is all that will keep her afloat.
Her mind is a boat with a dream-woven sail,
Her will is her compass; her desire a gale.
|Posted by: Werawolf Apr 24 2002, 10:54 AM|
| thank you very much:
innocents from danger
has she failed her task?