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Megatokyo Forums > Story Discussions > Haiku [832]


Posted by: l33t n1nj4 m4st3r Mar 13 2006, 12:55 PM
secrets of her past
laid out her soul before him
is M for m4tur3?

(not so good, but i wanted to get t3h topic started.)

----------------
(alright. more)

hears, makes few replies
she continues to tell all
what help can he give?


he sits there and drinks
all while her past is laid down
does he understand?

Posted by: Elite Owl Mar 13 2006, 01:50 PM
*Erika's point of view*
Reflecting the past.
No dream family for me.
Hitoshi that jerk!

Sitting on a bench.
Thoughts flow like dispensed water.
Largo is the cup?

*Largo's point of view*
Here come the weepies:
Girly mental imbalance,
and mature rating.

Good story indeed.
Let me grab another beer.
What's next Erika?


Posted by: Mae Mar 13 2006, 08:51 PM
Sad reminiscence
meets studied indifference
or perhaps not *CRINK*

Posted by: Insanityplea Mar 13 2006, 10:20 PM
*Erika

Let this off my chest
Please listen to what I say
I'm glad you listen

*Largo

Pregnancy problems?
smooth talking with the chixor
maybe something more

*Overall

I'll open my ears
Let me let go of secrets
You have listened well


First Haiku done so it isn't that great but I think it pretty much contracts my viewpoint of the situation.

Posted by: Mintaka Mar 13 2006, 10:29 PM
Love might have borne fruit
But fear and lies pruned it back
Killing the blossom

He knew his own family
Would have made him tend her

So he hacked away
And damaged both heart and soul
In panicked haste

Now she shivers in spring wind
That's still warmer than she's been


Posted by: Shoka Mar 13 2006, 11:26 PM
largo may not be
a new-age sensitive guy,
but at least he's...tall?

[irish_haiku]

We'll he's kind of a jerk, girl - it's true,
But he'll always be honest with you;
He won't mess with your head
Just to get you in bed,
Though you may need to smack him a few.

[/irish_haiku]

Posted by: l33t n1nj4 m4st3r Mar 14 2006, 08:53 AM
she tells, does he hear?
Largo sits dinking his b33r
does he even care?

Posted by: 1man_army Mar 14 2006, 09:37 AM
EDIT:

Erika:
Why do I bother?
He thinks that this is a game.
At least he's quiet.

Largo:
What's with t3h chix0r?
Could it really be t3h b33r?
Maybe I should care.

Posted by: l33t n1nj4 m4st3r Mar 14 2006, 09:39 AM
(5,7,5)

Posted by: 1man_army Mar 14 2006, 09:42 AM
QUOTE (l33t n1nj4 m4st3r @ Mar 14 2006, 11:39 PM)
(5,7,5)

so THATS how it works... happy.gif

soz guys wacko.gif , i told you that i was new @ this in the post of the last ep's haiku.

Posted by: l33t n1nj4 m4st3r Mar 14 2006, 09:44 AM
s'ok! (5,7,5 = syllables per line) keep it up! your ideas are great, just need to be applied to the format.

Posted by: 1man_army Mar 14 2006, 09:47 AM
QUOTE (l33t n1nj4 m4st3r @ Mar 14 2006, 11:44 PM)
s'ok! (5,7,5 = syllables per line) keep it up! your ideas are great, just need to be applied to the format.

SYLLABLES?!?!?!?! hold on, lemme edit it one last time...

Posted by: l33t n1nj4 m4st3r Mar 14 2006, 09:50 AM
sorry about that.. while i mentioned them first thing in Haiku [831], i didn't point that out immediately here. my bad. xP

Posted by: 1man_army Mar 14 2006, 10:01 AM
nah thats ok smile.gif . it's midnight here in perth (australia), so i gtg anyway sleep.gif *yawn*.

it didn't turn out like expected sad.gif , but it still gets the message accross, and maybe a laugh. if you read between the lines. smile.gif

thanx for the tips anyway, it'll help with the next haiku i do. happy.gif

Posted by: 1man_army Mar 14 2006, 10:03 AM
DARN. DUPLICATE POST.

soz people sad.gif

Posted by: TechnoPenguin Mar 14 2006, 01:34 PM
Sitting on a bench
Largo and Erika, those
poor little lovers?

I can only guess
how this is going to end?
Hugs, tears or bruises?

Or shall this go on
and on, endlessly circling
the point of the action?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure,
nothing will happen between
these two lost persons.

(Snif... so sad...)

Posted by: 1man_army Mar 14 2006, 06:33 PM
*applause*

Posted by: l33t n1nj4 m4st3r Mar 14 2006, 06:37 PM
Erika speaks more
what happened in the past
how can she move on?

Posted by: NekuraEtowaru Mar 15 2006, 12:40 AM
A hoped-for future
Is today a bitter past
Illusion shatters

Posted by: Haldane Mar 15 2006, 08:12 AM
Hey, 1man-army
Hit the delete button to
Send bad posts away

----------------------------

Largo and Erika
Pathos and trite jibes exchanged
Old wounds heal when cleaned

Posted by: Insanityplea Mar 15 2006, 09:22 AM
Timed Haiku ~ Insanityplea

Erika

The past

Wanted Family
The test came back negative
Happy yet longing

The present

I regret the past
but maybe there's still a chance
But I question you.

The future

Largo has no face
This could come out for the best
We just don't know now.

Largo

Past

I don't care for it
Nothing really happened then
I want a chiXor

Present

Hard core discussion
Giving the chiXor replies
Yes m for m4tur3

The future

Quite vastly unknown
Darkness lies ahead of him
Where's largo heading

And well that is all i can tink of currently. Took me awhile just to get what I wanted to say into the 5,7,5 format.

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