Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format
Megatokyo Forums > Story Discussions > Haiku [713] You Might Get Hurt

Posted by: Mintaka May 23 2005, 08:29 PM
At first I thought Kimiko was taking Piro's wallet.

-Nanasawa? What
Are you doing with my cash?
-The hundred yard dash.

Now I realize that she is handing over her purse.

Hold onto this, please.
My whole life's in there, except
What I risk for you.

She shows her heels to the breeze
Like a mare racing the rain.

It does look like she took her phone or something else palmsized, though.
Transformation object?

Posted by: Shoka May 23 2005, 10:45 PM
the drunk rabbit flees,
and the hound does not speak hare;
better catch up, mouse!

Now Largo decides he must hide,
For he fears that these girls are allied,
So he bumps and he runs
'Cuz he's under the gun,
And to stay here would be 'seiyuu-side'. (tongue.gif)

Posted by: nexxo May 24 2005, 01:46 PM
Sanity fled him
and like a drunken dog
he follows. Barking!

Like a hare
she pursues; mad world of a
chase reversed.

Posted by: richvh May 24 2005, 01:53 PM
@nexxo: Your first pseudo-haiku is 5-6-5, and the second is 3-7-3. Like, hare and chase are only 1 syllable, and reversed is 2. It looks like you're trying to count the final silent -e as a syllable, and that's not how it works in English (final -ed can sometimes be counted as a syllable for making the meter work, but it comes off as forced and archaic if you do.)

Posted by: nexxo May 27 2005, 06:07 AM
D'oh! Sorry about that. I'm Dutch and although pretty fluent in English, syllables still tend to catch me out... huh.gif

OK, here goes again:

Sanity flees him
and he chases after it
like a drunken dog

Before she can think
she pursues like a rabbit
mad race in reverse

Powered by Invision Power Board (
© Invision Power Services (