Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format
Megatokyo Forums > Story Discussions > Drabble: [412] The Smell of Death is Strong Here


Posted by: Gozer May 20 2003, 11:44 PM
Hi, looks like I beat Brent this time.

For those who don't know Drabbles are short stories of EXACTLY 100 words that talk about the feelings and thoughts of the characters in a scene. They can be funny, touching, or what have you. It's actually a lot of fun trying to figure out how to say things in only (or with as many as) 100 words.

My first drabble tonight is from Piro's POV. Enjoy!

-------------------

Damn what am I going to do? She wants to get cleaned up and thereís no way Iím going to wash her. Huh? Someoneís at the door.

Itís that girl again! Whatís she doing here?

A public bath? Well that solves one problem. I guess sheíll clean up Ping-chan, so what do I need to do today?

What? I donít smell that bad. * Sniff Sniff * Well I guess I could use a little cleaning up, though Iíve never used a public bath before.

Oh great Largoís one to talk. Maybe I can just turn the hose on him.

-----------

This is from Miho's POV. I kinda had a problem with this one, and you probably won't like it. Since I'm not very in tune with the Darkly Cute One. Please don't hurt me Miho fans!

----------------

It is such a nice morning; I wonder how chaotic things are in there.

As I thought, he has no idea why Iím here. No matter heíll understand soon enough.

Whoa, Ping-chan is not the only one who needs a bath around here. Iím surprised the authorities havenít come over here and sealed the area as a chemical dumping ground. I wonder if they make enough soap to remove the odor off of the loud one.

Itís a wonder either of these two have survived this long. Well theyíll either clean themselves or they wonít. I certainly wonít clean them!

Posted by: AncestralHamster May 20 2003, 11:59 PM
*Blink* Fast work, Gozer!

Posted by: Buttnose May 21 2003, 07:50 AM
Nice work, Gozer. Piro's POV was great, and I only had one main nit-pick with the Miho POV. She called Largo "the loud one". I think it would be more her style to use "Largo-sensei", even in her thoughts. Aside from that though, very good!

Posted by: Gozer May 21 2003, 06:31 PM
Well the speed was because this one was easy. Lots of panels to spread thoughts across. I had to call Largo "the loud one" because of word count. My problem is staying UNDER 100, mine is getting TO 100.

Posted by: Keita-chan May 21 2003, 07:05 PM
Here's a Ping-POV drabble:

How will I get the data on public bathing? I can't get online and Piro-san seems to be scared of asking a friend to help me.

I wonder who's at the door?

Yay! Tohya-san is gonna take me to a public bath! She can show me what to do! She's so nice!

Huh? Why would she be asking Piro-san and Largo-sensei to come, too?

I wonder why Tohya-san thinks it's a good idea for Largo-sensei and Piro-san to come with us?

I get it, Tohya-san thinks they could also use a bath! Smart!

Why did Piro-san call Largo-sensei a "walking biohazard"?

I counted names as one word including the suffix. (i.e. "Piro-san" I counted as a single word.) That should be 100 words, give or take a few. And sorry if it seems a bit...well...crappy. This is my first MT drabble.

Posted by: Gozer May 21 2003, 11:20 PM
Not bad! I use Word's Word Count tool to get an "official" count. I cut and pasted your work and got 101 so that's okay.

I liked it, and my only critisim is that the "Why" and "Wonder" lines should be joined into one paragraph. It's only a minor personal thought. Welcome to the drabble club!

Posted by: Brent Dax Mar 10 2005, 04:54 AM
QUOTE (Gozer @ May 20 2003, 09:44 PM)
Hi, looks like I beat Brent this time.

Well, it seems I've been remiss.

I originally introduced the drabble to SD, and I was very careful to participate in the first few threads. But somehow I managed to miss this one. So hop into your time machines, set the dial to "http://www.megatokyo.com?strip_id=412", and activate the flux capacitor.

--

Hayasaka would never help me with this. What should I--

Way too early for anybody to show up...

It's her? That goth girl? How did she... oh, right, she did say she was coming last night. I forgot.

You always forget, don't you, Piro?

Baka.

She wants us to come too? I guess we should, but how's Largo gonna deal with a public bath?

What am I saying? This is Largo, the guy who was just lounging around the apartment nude. Iíll just tell him that Japanese soap can be damaged by static electricity.

...and what's with the kitty ears?

--

This is actually harder than it looks. To drabble an old strip, you have to backdate your thinking; you need to forget everything you learned later, check through the preceding strips, and remember what everybody believed back then.

(Oh, and this post consists of two half-drabbles surrounding a full drabble.)


Powered by Invision Power Board (http://www.invisionboard.com)
© Invision Power Services (http://www.invisionpower.com)