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Megatokyo Forums > Story Discussions > Drabble: [406] a little more complicated

Posted by: Brent Dax May 7 2003, 12:48 PM
[!drabble]OK, this strip isn't good material for the sorts of drabbles we've written so far--too much thinking, not enough doing. :^) So I'm going to try something a little different.[/!drabble]

She walks in front of me, in the crowd but unaffected by it, chatting on her cell phone. She seems distressed, as if she's just realized how much something will change her life. I wonder what it is. Did she get a new job, pet, boyfriend, home, life?

As we get on the train, she seems lost in thought, staring out the window with that expression of slight worry. The train accelerates, and the crowd sways with the motion. I wonder if I should ask what's wrong...

Then I see her smile, and know she'll be okay. She's in love.

Posted by: Caduceuskun May 7 2003, 01:27 PM
Wai~! Nice job, Brent! I always really enjoy mini-fics from the POV of a forum member or random passerby (_Quinn's Rampant Speculations are my favorite prose on these boards), so I liked this a lot. Keep up the nice work!

Posted by: Gozer May 7 2003, 06:15 PM
DAMN! You beat me to it man! When I read this one the only drabble I could think of would be from one of the "normal" people around. Oh well, great minds eh?

I like what you got here, keep up the great work!

Posted by: Brent Dax May 7 2003, 08:21 PM
Write it and post it! Everyone'd be interested in another point of view. :^)

Posted by: Gozer May 7 2003, 09:25 PM
OW! OW! Stop twisting my arm I'll do it.

Here's my take on what a passer by thinks of her...


Let’s see I need some ramen and some rice and… whoa! Check her out! Now there’s a good-looking woman. I wonder where she’s going.

Lucky! She’s getting on the same train as I am. Maybe I can talk to her? How to start the conversation though? “Hello, nice choker you’ve got there, where’d you get it?” No, that won’t do. How about, “Nice weather we’re having?” That won’t work.

No wait, she seems to be thinking about something. Man what I wouldn’t give to have her smile at me like that. She must be thinking about her boyfriend. Lucky bum!


Hehe, man that was harder than I thought! 100 words exactly! Oh, and since you made me do it, I thought up one for Largo too!


Finally it is complete! Never before have I been able to build something this awesome, this powerful, this l33t! This deserves a beer, because now we are truly safe from the dark one’s attacks in cyberspace. They’ll never be able to defeat my nucl34r firewall!

Huh? What’s that freaky PS2 accessory going on about now? So its hair stinks, so what. That is nothing compared to my achievement! Piro must realize how much safer the base is now that I have completed my masterpiece.

He does not seem very enthusiastic; he must know nothing of the danger we are in.

Posted by: Integral May 7 2003, 09:30 PM
In reply to:

Finally it is complete! Never before have I been able to build something this awesome, this powerful, this l33t!

LOL! Largo's a poet and he doesn't know it. I love all of these drabbles, keep them coming!

Posted by: Brent Dax May 8 2003, 02:26 AM
They are harder than they look. My first draft of this thread's first drabble was about 120 words--I had to cut 1/6 of the words, whch wasn't easy.

The only real criticism I have is that Largo doesn't understand Japanese, so I don't know that he would know what Ping was going on about. (Of course, she was running around holding hair that he knew to be smelly, so perhaps he figured it out from context...)

Posted by: seyosama May 8 2003, 03:05 AM
Here's an interesting idea... maybe Largo does know Japanese, but just refuses to speak it or even acknowledge that he understands it.

Posted by: nathanbp May 8 2003, 05:50 AM
Interesting thought, but I'd think that pretty much disproves that, ne? Not even Largo would want to arrested.

Posted by: Gozer May 8 2003, 07:53 PM
Yeah I was assuming Ping is kinda shaking her hair around as she says she needs to wash the stink out of her hair. I've hung around plenty of people whom I don't know what the heck they're saying but I'd guess it was something to do with her hair.

Glad you liked the Largo one, surprised no one commented on my "normal guy" one though.

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