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|Megatokyo Forums > Story Discussions > Haiku  Grey Erika|
|Posted by: AncestralHamster Jan 27 2003, 12:45 AM|
| Angel-winged woman
dressed in rags and sound asleep.
Of what do you dream?
Dreams of those you aid?
Dreams of those you could not save?
Does the past haunt you?
Angel of Mercy,
When your burdens are too great,
to whom do you turn?
The burdens are yours,
for no one else has the strength.
Dream now of release.
|Posted by: d34d_d4r1n Jan 27 2003, 12:48 AM|
|Very...simple. It's deft, comprehensable, and clean. however, i'm betting you could add more to it by...well...adding more lines|
|Posted by: Caduceuskun Jan 27 2003, 01:18 AM|
| Beneath trailing hair
A patchwork sweater; feathers
Lay upon the floor.
What does she read, there?
Why is her bookmark fallen
Upon the cold floor?
Ornate flowered shawl
Compliments the ruffled skirt
Draped across the floor.
What thoughts lay behind
Narrowed, tired, gorgeous eyes?
Hair trails towards the floor.
A languishing angel rests her head
Rememberances for tears once shed
But have no fear
She shall be near
To spread her wings and ease your dread.
A patchwork sweater keeps her warm
Her piercing eyes transfix my form
Her ruffled wings
Can humble kings
Heavenliness beyond the norm
[!haiku] I chose my faction wisely... [/!haiku]
|Posted by: d34d_d4r1n Jan 27 2003, 01:27 AM|
| sounds very fluid and just good. two things though:
1.) what is irish haiku?
2.) why does everyone see Erika as some down-to-earth-help-people-out person? I think she's kinda...too...placid...and...creepy...*dreamy look*
|Posted by: Caduceuskun Jan 27 2003, 01:40 AM|
| Generally these
Threads are only meant for poems
Though feedback is nice.
An irish haiku
Is what we call limericks
Or they won't belong.
[!haiku] Anyway, to clarify, the tradition around here is to only post haiku related to the current strip (whatever number is denoted), and to only post in haiku. Some people like writing limericks, though. Obviously, we can't have limericks in a haiku thread, so we have to call them Irish haiku. We're strange like that, I guess. We denote not writing in haiku with the mock UBB code I have around this paragraph. And we see as someone who helps people out because she's someone who tries to http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=276 http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=310 http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=189. [/!haiku]
|Posted by: AncestralHamster Jan 27 2003, 01:40 AM|
In reply to:
This isn't really the place for this, but ...
1. Irish haiku = Limerick.
2. You must not be reading the comics. Erika is tough but compassionate. See http://forums.megatokyo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=UBB8&Number=1006988&page=&view=&sb=&o=&vc=1 for the links.
If our angel weeps,
who shall dry her tears?
What mortal can understand,
the things a goddess fears?
|Posted by: something Jan 27 2003, 01:41 AM|
| An Irish Haiku
Has five lines, and different
rhymes, not 5-7-5.
[edit: eeks, C-kun... we got the same start... ]
feedback is here: super!
you write great haiku!
|Posted by: baudot Jan 27 2003, 01:43 AM|
| Nicely done.
...and it's nice to see Fred showing Erika a bit of attention. It was beginning to seem like he took her for granted, just like all the characters in the strip...
|Posted by: K4w411 N3k0 Jan 27 2003, 10:21 PM|
| *Alright, second entrance on to the haiku stage walks N3k0*
Grey is all she is
With only dull wings behind
Lost in the darkest
White gone now from her
Now only showing grey hues
To the world round
To the greys of life around
One lost in the weave
Tough as she may be
Erika still shines from in
Herself beyond grey
*Exits stage for next performer*
|Posted by: Cryshalo Jan 27 2003, 11:13 PM|
| the floor is icy cold
air overhead is stale; an
angel in duress
[!haiku] ... lost wings? *shudders* I read that and just think back to Sephiroth from FFVII...[/!haiku]
|Posted by: K4w411 N3k0 Jan 28 2003, 04:57 AM|
| OOC Yeah, I tend to write dark, but it works.
*N3k0 returns to the stage for another try*
She seems so close to
Black, but still shows the world
Greys instead of white
Far from where she was
Lost in a new world now
That is just forming
Still close to darkness
But not quite as black as some
For she is just grey
*leaves the stage again*
|Posted by: Rowan Bristol Jan 28 2003, 07:59 PM|
| My journal is full
I've forgotten how to care
sad shopworn seraph
|Posted by: Mysterious3y35 Jan 28 2003, 08:13 PM|
|Wow these are all written so well, I think they go very good with the drawing itself. It's amazing how drawings inspire writers, it's like a complement to the drawing itself, except in a different context.|
|Posted by: AncestralHamster Jan 28 2003, 11:27 PM|
| [Haiku]Inspired by phootbag's http://forums.megatokyo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=UBB8&Number=1028755&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=7&vc=1 [/Haiku]
downy feathers of fog-grey
fallen out of place
a bookmark lying forgotten
so too a forlorn angel?